How to have Hope.

Goodness knows I don't have all the answers, but one thing I feel confident in is mastering the art of how to have Hope.

Hope used as a noun is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen, a feeling of trust.  Hope used as a verb is wanting something to happen or be the case. 

I'm a firm believer that you won't really cling to hope until you've been tried in a way you didn't imagine or think possible.  Maybe it's a job situation, maybe it's a cruddy, crumbling marriage you didn't think could be saved, maybe it's in a diagnosis of a disease, maybe it's the everyday struggle of raising your kids in this harsh, non forgiving world.  Whatever your challenge may be…hope is learning to squelch that one voice that says "That's not the light at the end of the tunnel, it's a freakin' Train with its headlight on barreling right at me!" and instead learning to trust that little flicker of light that burns so bright it lights a fire in your soul to make a change, to be the change, making it impossible to ignore.  It's the positive voice.  

We live in a society where we're almost trained to point out the negative.  Judgment comes easily.  The news is mostly negative.  There's gossip everywhere and we learn to belittle ourselves.  Even if you don't hear or tell yourself "You're not good enough" you probably sometimes whisper "You could be better".  

Hope is 100% refusing to let anything negative get in the way of your light.

In my world, hope and faith are intimately intertwined.  So much so, that I have a hard time seeing where one ends and the other begins.  One of my absolute favorite verses is Hebrews 11:1.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen."

Several posts ago I mentioned that my hope lies in Paul and I becoming parents.  Period. End of Thought.

To me, my beta numbers were trying so hard to ride that damn train barreling straight at me and by the end of the day my sights had been set on that flicker of light and hope and faith that's burning so bright in me.  It's burning so bright, that damn train just might catch fire.

Those numbers were beckoning at my heart, trying to pull me in.  A worldly reality check.  Trying to whisper "This won't work".  

And after a brief emotional melt down (mostly out of sheer frustration), my Hope kicked in.

No storm can shake my inmost calm, while to that rock I'm clinging. Since love is Lord of Heaven and Earth, how can I keep from singing?

I use hope and faith to quiet my worry.  I can't change the outcome.  I don't need to know the outcome right now.  We'll get there when we get there and we'll get through it as it comes.  

My hope is that you realize that you are good.  That you are doing a good job.  You will make it through.  Whatever your trial or tribulation is in this moment, it too shall pass.  Sometimes having hope stems from the simple act of making a conscience decision to see the positive.  To refuse to let the negative take hold of your heart and mind.  

In our case, this means I've just set my sights on making it to Thursday's blood work.  And if I'm lucky enough to make it to an ultrasound at week 7, even if it is a blighted ovum..an empty gestational sac…well then that's one step farther than I've ever made it before.  Even if this pregnancy ends up in a miscarriage…I will choose to focus on the fact that a positive pregnancy test has proven that at least my body knows what to do with an embryo.  

Hope is all around. I pray that you'll find yours in whatever way you need to. Cling to it tightly and then share it with others.  

Every single one of you has certainly given me hope and strength and faith. I am so grateful for your prayers and your uplifting voice.  

"For you have been my Hope".

Psalm 75: 1

"All shall be well and all manner of things shall be well"