HE BEEN HERE! Santa's Been here!

First of all...a big fat...WOOHOOOOOOO!!! Doc retrieved 21 good eggs! (The average is 10-12 usable eggs) So that's the first hurdle. Fingers crossed for lots of fertiliziation to be taking place right now!

The experience. We arrived at the clinic at 8 and had to be buzzed in b/c of it being a Sunday. Plus side to it being a weekend? Close parking! The 2 nurses we had could not have been nicer. The first nurse went over all of our paperwork and the procedure. Then I got to put on a cute little hospital gown. I'm not kidding...the thing was a pretty coral color that was totally my shade ;) I even got teal no slip socks so my feet were nice and toasty. The 2nd nurse came in and went over more paperwork with us and then the anesthieologist came in. Frank is his name, Big Daddy is what they call him. What a character! He was so nice and funny! He asked me even MORE questions and then got me ready for the IV. He gave me a shot with numbing stuff in it which was actually the worst part b/c that numbing stuff stings going in! He made mention it was the same stuff dentists use. I really wanted to tell him, that's why I don't get any novocaine when I go to the dentist, b/c I can't stand the stinging. Oh well. It only lasted for a few seconds and it sure did make the IV needle go in extra easy!

Next came a small dose of the anesthesia. It doesn't take too long for that stuff to hit you. If you visited me when I had my appendectomy, you know the meds make me smiley and giddy. I had a huge dorky grin on my face! I remember them wheeling me into the procedure room and I remember them putting my feet into the stirrups. And I remember them needing to readjust my left leg...but I didn't even make it to 'Big Daddy' putting the EKG monitor on me. Next thing I know, I'm waking up around 10:20 or so back in my room. Paul wasn't in there...he was in the "Man Cave" although he insists he was in the room when I got wheeled back in around 10. He gave me some sweet kisses when he came back and has been so attentive to my every need today. It's nice to see that he actually does care ;) They monitored my vitals every 15 min. Have you seen the movie 'Law Abiding Citizen'? I've decided I felt like that guy on the table right before Gerard Butler cut him up. That's what it feels like when you're coming out of anesthesia. I wanted to lift my head up. I wanted to open my eyes. I wanted to say something. But couldn't. Luckily for me, my situation had a better outcome! I do remember one of the first things I said was 'My finger's numb'. That pulse-ox thing was tight! They got me up about 15 min. after I woke up, assisted me to the bathroom...which I think my eyes still may have been closed! And then they made me sit in the recliner in our room. Oh wait! Before I could barely do anything and still in bed, the nurse was giving me ginger ale and all I could think was "Lady, you just made me break my Lenten promise of no soda!". Nothing like have carbonation for the first time in 3 weeks. She shoved 2 tylenol in my mouth, more ginger ale, a cracker, more ginger ale. Okay...back to the chair...my husband lovingly and devotingly fed me cracker after cracker and ginger ale. Then they made me get dressed and it was time to go home. Paul went and got the car and 'Big Daddy' wheeled me out in the WC. I felt fine! The anesthesia had worn off and I had no nausea. Paul got Burger King for lunch and we stopped by Kroger to pick up some ginger ale. The nurse told me no greasy or fried foods today and I should probably try to stay away from dairy too. What is there left to eat?

I felt pretty good when we got home. I tried very hard not to take a pain pill and made it til 1:30 when the bloating just got too uncomfortable. After having some peanut butter toast (prepared by my wonderful husband), I caved and took a hydrocodone. I was knocked out from 2-3. I never take an afternoon nap and it was surprisingly refreshing. The bloating is still pretty intense, but managable. I'm anticipating being able to go to work tomorrow. I was a little nauseous after my nap when I stood up to go to the bathroom so I think I'll just sit and relax!

Thank you to everyone who sent text messages, facebook messages and lots of prayers! They meant so much!

Christmas Eve

Well, it's the night before the big ER and although I don't have anything specific regarding the IVF treatment process, I still wanted to blog about how I'm feeling.

Physically...my rear is sore. The left butt cheek. Yikes! Everytime I move or sit on it, I can feel the exact muscle where the trigger shot was given. And my ovaries. I feel like they may pop! Bending over is kinda painful and I moved slower today. If you had appendicitis or perhaps an ovarian cist...it feels along those lines. Not a dull, achy pain, but rather a sharp, jabbing pain. Definitely more tolerable than the aforementioned things.

Mentally....my main reason for writing. I've realized just how much hope I've got riding on this thing. I know the 2WW will be the slowest 2 weeks of my life. I think mentally, I could do IVF all year long. I have no problem with the shots, no adverse side affects (although I'm sure Paul will tell you, I was quick to cry those last few days), no unusual bitchiness ;). Our issue is financial. . IF this round doesn't work, there are 2 scenarios. The 1st & best scenario is that we'll have leftover frozen embryos to try. The unfreezing and drugs for a frozen ET only cost about $1,000. We could do that in just a few short months. IF NOTHING works and we don't get ANY good embryos and we have to start back at square one, then we will have to pay off all these bills first. Approximate time for that is between 3-5 years. I've found myself daydreaming more. Thinking about names and nursery options. I'm not a dreamer, I'm a realist and especially in this situation, I fear my dreaming will bite me in the rear. I'm walking a fine line between believing in IVF and being realistic. It feels a lot like Christmas Eve...Will Santa deliver or not?

On a lighter note, I'm hungry. I can't eat or drink anything after midnight tonight. Normally, I would eat dinner around 6 or 7, with a possible dessert or piece of fruit around 9. I always go to bed with a glass of water and drink it in the middle of the night if I wake up. In the morning, I have a glass of juice on the way to work and eat my banana or 2 clementines for breakfast at work. Well, it's not so much tonight that I'm worried about, it's tomorrow morning. I have about an hour window from wake-up time til the time I need to eat or drink something and I don't get that tomorrow morning. I'm not looking forward to feeling nauseaus BEFORE the surgery. Oh well...I could stand to lose a few more pounds (on top of the 10 I just lost! :) )

About the surgery. I found this helpful link... http://www.sharedjourney.com/define/retrieval.html
about the process and thought I'd share.

We're missing the baptism of sweet Molly Cole, our dear friend's, Travis & Kristan's baby. We are so disappointed that we cannot make it to such a momentous occasion. We know Molly won't miss us, but we still wanted to see her on her big day!

I'm not guaranteeing a blog update tomorrow. We'll see how much those drugs affect me! Thank you for all your prayers!

Crash course in abbreviations!

*There are lots of abbreviations in this post and I'll define them as I write. You know you have an important enough appointment where they squeeze you in. In fact, I was at the doctor's at 8:30 for my 8:40 appointment this morning and actually beat the doctor in! There is a huge up side to early morning appointments and I had NO wait!

As per usual, we did the internal U/S (ultrasound) first. "Follies", as they're referred to in the infertility world, were looking good this morning. Right on target! Good sizes all around. I think the smallest one was around a 13 or 14, which will hopefully be mature enough by the time "ER" (Egg Retrieval) rolls around on SUNDAY!! :) The majority of the follicles were about 19 or 20. Yay! This is one very important step in the IVF process. I have read on so many infertility forums about women who take all these 'stims' (egg stimulation meds) and go for their first U/S and don't see any. Then they go back for their 2nd U/S and only have like 3 decent sized ones. Remember, my count is up to around 20. The mysterious left side was slightly visible, but the RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist), didn't poke around too much. From what I'm feeling like, we may be in for a surprise. An easy analogy for the placement of your ovaries is this...They're suppose to hang like dog ears, but just because dog ears normally flop, doesn't mean one can't stand up. It'll be interesting to see what he has to say after ER.

After the U/S, we met in the Doc's office. He informed me of the next series of steps. I need to take my 'trigger' shot tonight, which is the final step in getting the eggs to reach maturity level. I also got the exciting news that I didn't have to take my other 3 shots and am officially done with them! :) He ordered my prescriptions for my antibiotics (since I am having a surgical procedure), my valium (for "ET" -egg transfer-), and my progesterone. Progesterone is a drug I will be on until it's time to take a pregnancy test. If the test is a BFP (big fat positive), I'll remain on it until an U/S around 2-3 wks. after. Progesterone builds up the uterine wall lining with the belief that it will help give the embryo more to attach to and if you're not pregnant, will give you enough lining to begin your "AF" (actual flow-period).

I was given the instructions for Sunday's preceedings. Nothing to eat or drink, not even, H2O (water...oh you already knew what that abbreviation meant?) after midnight on Saturday. We'll go in and they'll take us to a private room. The nurse will start my IV and the doctor will come in to have a brief meeting with us. The anesthesiologist will come in then and give me some drugs to begin with. Then, I get wheeled, in my bed, into the exam room where the ER is completed. After the surgery, I'll be wheeled back into my private room and have to wait for a hour to a hour and a half. I'll have to be wheeled out to my car in a W/C (wheelchair-in case you have to write any progress notes for one of my residents!). Doc said I'll be in some pain, perhaps feeling the bloating all the way up to my shoulders. Every single one of those follies has to get aspirated and all that excess fluid just floats around in there causing a lot of bloating. He says the bloating and excess liquid is felt as pain by the body.

After our meeting, it was time for me to give some more blood. The Doc didn't think I needed it, but just to be on the safe side. These are referred to as your E2 levels. Mine have been right on the money. My Wed. level ended up being around a little over 1200. My arms are bruised pretty badly after giving blood 4 times. 3 on my right and 1 on my left.

Next came the dreaded bill paying meeting. I am so thankful how wonderful the entire staff is at the Fertility Institute of Virginia. Patty, the bill lady, is so great. She was willing to divi things up on different cards and work with me while we figured out the math together.

Dr. Steingold called me, which was a first, since I usually have to call him. Glad to see I'm one of his top priorities this weekend! He confirmed the trigger shot time of 10:30 pm tonight and told us to be at the Stony Point Va. IVF & Andrology at 8:00 am on Sunday. He's been so nice all along and said to call him with ANY questions.

Now for the fun part! 10:25 rolls around... I've already drawn the medication. It's in the 2 vials like the menopur. This dose was 1.5 ccs. I've got the alcohol swab, bandaid and I've changed the needles on the syringe. This is a long intramuscular needle. This shot goes right in the upper outer quadrant of the butt. I tell you what...you would have thought I asked Paul to give birth on the spot the way he reacted to that needle. He didn't do a very good job of decreasing my level of anxiety. Luckily, the nurse at work gave a helpful hint. She said to use an ice cube to numb the spot and it gives the "DH" (darling husband) a nice big red spot to aim for! I know it's alot for Paul to soak up. Especially since the directions with giving this shot were so specific. He had to push it in half way, then a little more. (Not sure why she didn't just say 3/4 of the way in?!) He finally mustered up the courage to give it. The shot was painless going in and the medicine didn't burn like the menopur used to. But once I got up walking, boy did it sting. It's fine now that I'm sitting on it. I'm hoping it doesn't hurt to bad once I get up and start walking around.

Phew...okay...after ER comes ET. That will be either Wed. or Fri. I may actually, for once, be praying for now snow next week! After the ET comes the dreaded TWW or 2WW (2 week wait). Fingers crossed! And if the forum/blogging world isn't cheesy enough they usually close their entries with a 'sprinkle of baby dust'. I'm sprinkling away!!

water balloons?

Time for my evening blogging session.

Tuesday, Feb. 23: I gave myself the shots again yesterday. I managed to bruise my side. It seems to be my left side always bruises.

I had a doctors appointment today. My follicles are getting bigger! My estrogen levels from Monday came in around 500. The doc seems to think my results today would come back around 1200. Normal estrogen levels around egg retrieval end up being around 3000. Anything around the 4200 mark is dangerous and that's when you become overstimulated. I must be right on track because the doc kept my med levels at the same doses. My largest follicle grew from a size 13 to a size 16 (18-20 is normal). I also discussed with doctor, the fact that I wanted them to freeze as many as possible. Some fertility specialists have really high success rates b/c they take the entire batch of embryos and grow them until the 5 day mark when they become blastocysts and are more likely to implant. But the down side of this is that there are no more embryos left to freeze. I'd rather have the doc only try to get a few to the 5 day mark and then freeze some. Like I said before, it's all a numbers game. I also had to have more blood drawn today. It'll be an occurence at every appointment.

While I was at my appointment today, I got a phone call from Va. IVF & Andrology, the place where the retrieval will happen. The lady wanted to do a pre-op interview with me and asked me about my medical history, social history, current medications, etc. That's when it finally hit me I think. So far, I feel like we've just been going through the motions. I learned about the drugs, I administered the drugs. I go to my appointments and endure the internal ultrasounds. But a minor surgery? I think I may have omitted that from my thought process. I've gotten so wrapped up in taking it day by day that I've neglected to fully realize that I only have one more appointment before my 'day' thinking involves getting prepared for a surgery. Thank God for IV anesthesia!

The doctor thinks retrieval will now happen Sunday, making implantation on Wednesday (day 3) or Friday (day 5). I am so thankful I work in such a wonderful place and that I have such an understanding boss. They have been so great in working around my appointments and getting my programs covered.

Oh...the title to this blog? It describes how I feel right now. Take two balloons. Fill them with a tablespoon of water and hold them. They're not heavy and after carrying them for awhile I'm sure you wouldn't notice them at all. Now fill them with a cup of water each. Carry them around and you'd definitely notice a difference. That's how I feel. My ovaries are getting larger and larger and it's rather uncomfortable. I feel them when I move a certain way and the twinges are constantly there. Yay for growing ovaries! Til next time!

1 little, 2 little, 3 little eggs....!

I'm breaking from the daily updates on the shots to write about our doctors appointment this morning. I was very apprehensive for this appointment because it was the 1st appt. since starting the 'egg growing' drugs. It would be the initial ultrasound to see if the drugs have been working.

A brief little history about me...ever since my very first internal ultrasound the doctor has never seen my left ovary. He was 'fairly positive' it was there, but even after 4 rounds of IUI, he never saw it. I constantly ovulated from my right side. If it was ever going to show up, today was the day! The moment of truth...the doctor immediately found my right side and counted up about 10 follicles!!! (You normally see one!) It was so interesting! After taking the measurements of all of the follicles, he started the search for the left side and Voila! There it was! What an exciting sight. It doesn't take much to make me happy! Doc thinks I have approximately 10 follicles growing on the left too.

What's a follicle? A follicle is the sac that the egg grows in. The hope is that each follicle contains a growing good egg. Even if I have 20 follicles, only 15 (for ex.) may be growing eggs. Out of that 15 maybe only 10 are good eggs that reach maturity. Out of those 10, maybe they can only fertilize 6. Out of those 6 maybe only 4 turn into good embryos. Out of those 4 they would implant 2, saving 2 for later. It's all still up in the air. So the first positive is that quite a few follicles are devoloping.

Also, at todays appointment, they drew Paul's blood to check for HIV and Hepatitis. They drew my blood for those tests last Monday. They took my blood today to check for my estradoil (estrogen) levels. Apparently it's getting a little high because they lowered my dose of Follistim from 200 to 150. They monitor the estrogen levels by taking blood at every visit so I don't develop hyperstimulation which can be quit dangerous.

The Doc also thinks retrieval may be on Saturday. I have another appointment on Wednesday. I ended up giving myself the shots again today. I think I may just keep doing it this way. I can guarantee all of the drugs go in, plus I like being on my own time schedule. (Not having to wait for a Nurse to be available). The shots went well today. The menopur is continuing to be extra painful. But, no complaints from me!

Here's to having an end in sight!

These are not my follicles, but here is an example of what showed up on the screen today!

What am amazing sight! Remember, you usually only see one follicle.

Dear Diary,

As of right now, I have no idea who will end up reading this blog, if anyone. I may decide to start a new baby blog when the time comes. I'm writing now solely as my own coping mechanism. It's so much easier to type than write and I did want to keep a detailed diary.

This blog entry is dedicated to the next two weeks (approximately). I wanted to keep track of the days I took my shots and the details about the day. Instead of adding a new entry each day, I'll just keep adding to this post.

Tuesday, Feb. 16: Paul gave me the first set of shots. The Follistim pen takes forever to be administered and is quite painful. I bled quite a bit from that shot. The menopur also took awhile to go in. Overall, Paul did pretty well!

Wednesday, Feb. 17: The charge nurse on my unit at work, Doris Morris, gave me the shots today. She's been a God send these past few weeks and has reminded me on numerous occassions that it's time for my shot. I seem to require a bandaid for the Follistim shot. I'm beginning to feel some mild cramping, more like mild twinges. But luckily, no nauseau or headaches. I've also had some hot flashes, but I haven't decided if that's from running around and being busy at work or the drugs!

Thursday, Feb. 18: One of the CNAs at work, Heather, gave me the shots today. Doris wasn't around. Heather has given me the Lupron shot (the easy one), but had never even seen the pen mechanism the Follistim comes in. Nothing like being a guinea pig! I'm starting to dred the Menopur shot. I can actually feel the solution going in. I also noticed the Follistim injection sites seem to be bruising a bit.

Friday, Feb. 19: Doris gave me the shots again today. She's so good. Nothing new today. The 'twinges' are getting a little stronger. Grow eggs, grow! I'm feeling fortunate that I haven't experienced any side effects yet!

Saturday, Feb. 20: Well today was the first weekend day that Paul had to work. On an unrelated note...it was quite nice! It's the first weekend in our entire marriage where I've been able to sleep in and not be woken up when he comes home from work at 8 am. Also, it's the first weekend where I could crank some music and clean my house instead of tip toeing around and having to be quiet. But, this also presented an interesting dilemma. Our fertility specialist doesn't care what time I get my shots, but he does want them to be around the same time. Since I've been geting them at work, I've been getting them around 3-3:30. This is at the end of the 7-3 shift and the beginning of the 3-11 shift, so I'm sure to catch atleast one nurse I trust. 3:30 is also 2 hours before Paul gets home. Plus, we had plans to go to church tonight, which meant the earliest I would get my shots would be around 7:30. 4 hours after my usual time is definitely pushing it. Oh, it's also the weekend at work where my trusted staff have off. So dilemma...be late 4 hours or give myself the shots? I decided to suck it up and give myself the shots. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I had more of a difficult time positioning my hands just right and being able to keep the needle in while pinching my skin and injecting the drugs. But, I did a pretty good job and didn't make myself bleed too much! Not sure if giving myself a shot was on my bucket list, but atleast I can say I did it!

Sunday, Feb. 21: I did it again! Paul was at work again and so it needed to be done. That menopur does not get any easier. It's painful simply because it's such a large dose. Hopefully this all works out and these shots don't end up being for nothing!

No turning back now!

Well....there's no turning back now. Although I have been on 'drugs' for two weeks already...that particular drug 'Lupron', can be stopped at any moment. Paul just gave me my first shots of Menopur and Follistim. Both drugs fall in the 'egg growing' category. Once the drugs are given, the eggs begin to grow rapidly and become quite large and numerous. The only way to get rid of them is via retrieval as they become too large for the body to dispel them naturally.

About administering Menopur. One dose of Menopur comes in two vials. One vial is water and the other vial is a powder. You only pay for the powder vial. Each vial costs around $89. We ordered 10 vials. To mix the dose, you take a syringe with a very long needle. You inject the needle into the water vial, extract 1 ml of water. Then you remove the syringe and inject the water into the vial containing the powder. The powder disolves immediately. You remove the syringe and then remove the long needle. Once the long needle is removed, you add a shorter needle (Thank God!). The syringe is re-injected into the powder/water solution and 1 ml is extracted. Then it's ready to be given.


About admistering Follistim. Follistim comes in a pen. It looks really similiar to an epi-pen. There are 2 doses in 1 cartridge. The cartridges have to be refrigerated until use, which means I have 4 cartridges of this drug sitting in my fridge. Never thought I'd see the day. Okay, back to the drug. So you take the pen apart, insert the cartridge, and put the pen back together. Then you turn the end of the pen to the correct dosage. Then you get a needle and insert it on the top of the pen. Discard the needle when done.


Both shots are given when the Lupron is given. Luckily my Lupron dose was lowered to 5 units instead of 10.

Like I said before this blog is to educate. Please do not think I am complaining. I would take 10 shots a day for the rest of my life if it meant I got to be a mommy one day. 3 shots for 10 days does not seem so bad. I continue to be grateful that needles don't bother me. And grateful that Citi Card has a protection service that alerts us to large purchases. Yep, that $1,773.90 charge to walgreens was ours!

All off my drugs!

A closer look at the Follistim pen

Menopur vials and syringes and replacement needles

Generic form of Lupron and syringes

So Long Aunt Flo!

Well, I'm on day 11 of taking shots. I did some more research about what drug I'm on currently. I'm on the generic form of Lupron called Lueprolide Acetate and it basically stops all natural reproductive processes. Because my body had already released an egg last month and because it was unfertilized, my body had to finish the process of getting rid of it. So, today I started (hopefully) what will be my last period for atleast 9 months!


Back to those shots. Turns out, Paul did give me my very first shot. I was so proud of him for taking one for the team! He didn't gag and although I swear he went in slow motion when giving me the shot, I am still grateful he actually went through with it! I've been having a nurse or CNA at work give me the ones on the weekdays. Paul gave me the two shots last weekend and he is definitely getting better. I'm beginning to think he really enjoys sticking me with a needle!


Where do we go from here? Well, I'll call our fertility specialist tomorrow and probably by the beginning/middle of next week, I'll start my every other day appointments. The next appointment will be another big step. (Seriously beginning to wonder if we'll have any 'small' steps anytime soon.) At the next appointment, we'll pay for everything, I'll have an internal ultrasound, bloodwork, and start on more drugs...upping my shot count to 3 per day! It's bad enough my stomach already looks like I have a railroad track running across it.


It's all so close yet so far! Man do I have a lot of hope riding on this IVF. We've been saying lots and lots of prayers.