Do you ever have those moments where you're not sure which direction you're heading but you do know it's the right way?
That's how this past year has felt for us.
We have absolutely no idea where our story will take us.
We have no idea in which direction our life will go.
Will we have no children, one child or multiple children by the time our time in this world is over?
Who knows.
Doesn't matter.
What does matter is that we keep putting one foot in front of the other.
What does matter is that we love and appreciate each day as it comes.
What does matter is that we keep our eye on ultimately ending up with the title of mommy and daddy.
And I feel this hand on my back gently guiding my way…our way.
I get giddy when I have those opportunities to look back and actually see the way God's hand has been in all of it. Like a puppeteer orchestrating the perfect show.
When Paul and I were asked to be in the 2014 Race to Parenthood, I knew it was because Paul worked with Brad and the race was Brad's wife's idea. But I hadn't thought much about it after that.
But getting us BACK in the race?
Now that's where the magic…the perfectly timed pieces all fell into place.
When the applications came in for the 2015 Race to Parenthood, each past 2014 couple had to choose their top choices for couples to mentor. Based on our choices, we were each given a new couple.
What are the odds that Paul and I felt so connected to one specific couple and that they were actually given to us to mentor? How was it that this particular couple became compelled to fill out a race application?
We were thrilled for the newest team yellow.
We were also thrilled for them when we found out that through their own miraculous reasons they needed to back out of the race.
The morning we found out that the newest yellow team was pulling out of the race was almost exactly one month after one of our darkest days of despair. I'm referring to the day when my third chemical pregnancy was confirmed. When all hope seemed lost because we didn't know how we'd get to that next step in our journey. And in one month we toyed around with several options. T-shirt fundraisers, yard sales galore, a gofundme account. Unsure of which path we'd choose, we trusted our instincts to hold out until after the holidays.
Insert God's hand steering our hearts and our heads.
And in one short month it looked like an amazing opportunity was possibly presenting itself.
I was in Pennsylvania at my uncle's house when I got the news.
When the conversation began about a possible second chance.
I asked my family for their opinions.
I weighed all the options, both out loud and in my heart.
I prayed.
And I put one foot in front of the other and went to visit my grandma for the first time in her new home…the health care unit of a retirement community.
When we got there my grandma had just been wheeled into lunch.
My two sisters and I left my mom to eat with her and we went to scout out the facility.
Just outside the elevator doors a nurse and a CNA were having a conversation.
I was in my own little world…critiquing the facility in only a way another retirement community employee can do.
As the elevator doors were closing my sister looked at me wide eyed and said "Katie, did you hear what they were talking about?"
Being in my own world, I hadn't.
She said the conversation went as follows.
Nurse: "So, how far along are you?"
CNA: "12 weeks"
Nurse: "Have you found adoptive parents yet?"
CNA: "No, I just started looking at adoptive parent profiles."
And the elevator doors closed.
I immediately hit the up button and told my sister I was going to talk to that CNA.
If you know me, you know this is a break from my norm.
I absolutely loathe talking to strangers.
Us introverts are usually exhausted and strained by conversations with people we don't know.
But I felt that hand guiding me and pushing me forward and so I went with it.
The doors reopened and luckily the CNA and nurse were still there. I went to her, apologized for eavesdropping, and told her what a beautiful, miraculous, amazingly gracious thing she was doing. That I didn't know her or her story, but the world needs more like her. That the gift she was about to give someone was going to be more wonderful and beautiful than she could ever imagine. I briefly shared our story with her and then she hit me with a question I didn't expect.
"Do you want to adopt?"
I told her that we didn't know which direction our life would take us. I gave a shameless plug for the Race to Parenthood. I told her that my main reason for speaking up was to provide her with some gentle encouragement and reassurance. I thanked her for her selfless decision.
And then I went about my day.
It was one of those days where I looked up and told Him that I was listening loud and clear.
That I was grateful for a day in which all the signs seemed to be pointing us in the right direction.
Back to yellow.
Back to home.
