Time

Let's talk about time for a minute.

 

Time is a funny thing.  There's either too much or not enough. It passes too quickly or drags on forever.  You make up for lost time or look forward to the next time. 

 

You use the word time to describe a duration, season, age, or occasion.  It's also used to describe a rhythm, turn, a frequency.  We use the word time in so many different ways, it's no wonder the English language is so difficult to learn.

 

With infertility, you either try time and time again or you take a time out. 

 

My husband and I just took one big time out.  Our initial one year sabbatical from the infertility roller coaster turned into four years.  Four years doesn't seem like a long time until I realize I could have gone through high school again in those four years. (That thought just sent a shudder down my spine!)

 

My husband and I are just about to close our 7th year of battling infertility and will officially ring in our 8th in January.  I look back on those seven years and I feel like they disappeared in the blink of an eye. But when I think about seven years in the context of going from 6th grade to high school graduation, then seven years seems like a really, really long time.

 

I consider myself to be "seasoned" in this infertility community now.  Gone are the early months (okay-the first three years) of naivety & bitterness.  I started this blog almost five years ago. F.I.V.E

 

A person changes a lot in five years. 

 

We're officially in the process of "Operation bring a child into the Ziolkowski home", so I wanted to start blogging again.   I debated starting a whole new blog, but since you can't often truly understand a person or a situation until you understand their past, I thought it would be more beneficial to reopen this old blog o' mine.

 

If you should take the time to read through those old entries, get yourself some popcorn and change into some comfy clothes first. 

 

Please remember, my thoughts and feelings have grown and matured over the past several years.  Take for example this blog's title and description.  I made that blog title banner on a computer we had five years ago.  I'd love to take the word 'crap' out of the description (as I now realize how beautiful life really is), but in an effort to stay true to my roots (and the fact that I can't change it), I'll keep it.  What you'll read from back then is pure and raw and was only ever intended to be an electronic diary for myself or for people in the infertility community to read. Only a handful of people from back then knew I even kept a blog. If you should read anything that hurts or (even worse) offends you, I am sorry.  My goal in sharing those old entries is to help open people's eyes to the conflicting thoughts and emotions, hard decisions and pain associated with infertility that are often kept behind closed doors.  

 

As is the case with every fertility treatment, my husband and I are full of guarded hope and cautious optimism.  The one thing that has changed in the past seven years is our faith that we will one day be parents.  Period. End of thought.  The means by which we become parents no longer defines us. 

 

So here we go.

It's time.