Quick update

     Not really in the writing mood tonight.  Honestly, I'm super super drained.  Work was exhausting this week.  I usually do both crossword puzzles and the sudoku puzzle out of the paper every morning.  I was so busy this week that I never got around to Tuesday-Friday's paper.   Not only busy, but it was emotional, too.
    
      I work as a Recreation Therapist.  In my department we have a Recreation Therapy manager, another Recreation Therapist, a Music Therapist and a Recreation Aide.  Needless to say with such a small group, we are all close.  One of my co-workers husband's went in last weekend to patient first because he was a little under the weather.  They diagnosed him with pnuemonia but told him to follow up with his pcp.  On Monday, after meeting with his pcp and reviewing his chest x-rays they diagnosed him with lung cancer.  He's 49 and has never smoked a day in his life.  Yesterday our co-worker came in saying they were doing more in depth tests to see if it could possibly be Hodgkins lymphoma.  I've never cried along with a co-worker so much. 

      This morning...after throwing a huge Halloween bash she got a call from her husband who was crying.   Turns out it's just a really, really serious case of pnuemonia.  We are all soooo overjoyed.  I can't imagine going from thinking your husband has a terminal disease to learning it's just a bad infection.  How absolutely amazing. 

       I baked 72 cupcakes for our Halloween party at work today.  My residents loved it although they'll forget it by the time I get back to work on Monday. 

       Tomorrow I get to bake 72 more cupcakes for my maid of honor's daughter's first birthday/Halloween party.  I'm really excited to make those cupcakes.  I'm going to attempt to make these...



     If you see pictures you'll know I succeeded. 

     DH and I just finished carving our pumpkins.   It's finally cool and crisp outside and with football on in the background it was a perfect fall Friday night.  Check out my pumpkin. 

     Not to bad if I say so myself.  I am a Disney Lover after all!

     Happy official end to ICLW.  See ya next month!

WW

Jessie:  Otherwise known as what I will be for Halloween. 

Happy ICLW!

     I guess you could call this my first official ICLW, although I did JUST submit my blog, so it's probably too late for me to make the blog list, but oh well.  Next month I'll make sure to get on the list...I figure even if I don't get many comments, I'll still make a bunch and find some new blogs to follow. 

     On the off chance that I do get some new people stopping by, here's a brief version of our TTC story.

     DH and I married in Dec. 2006.  Our first year of marriage was spent by me starting a new job (my first adult job), buying a house and we ended it by celebrating our first anniversary in Disney World.  Although we weren't actively trying, we used no BC what-so-ever.  What a wasted year.  So Jan. 2008 rolls around and we kick the TTC into high gear.  3 months later...BFP!! Woohoo...that was sooo easy!  Then, 3 days later...AF arrives.  What a crappy way to learn about chemical pregnancies.   We call in Jan. 2009 to set up an appointment with the RE.  Because we're new patients, we have to wait 3 months.  During 3 month wait, DH sees urologist and has several SA's done.  Results??  Poor morphology, low count, poor motility.   RE thinks our issue is b/c of DH's issues, but schedules an HSG, post coidal test and blood work.  All tests come back normal.  First IUI done in June 2009, followed by one in July, Aug. and Sept.  We took a mental health/holiday break from Oct.-Dec. 2009 and mentally geared up for IVF in Jan. 2010.  First round of IVF was a BFN which came in March.  We tried a FET in July which resulted in a BFN.  And now??  Now we're 'taking another break'!? 

     Of course, if you're a fellow infertile, you know that you never really take a break.  Because it becomes engrained in your brain...to chart your cycle and try when you're ovulating and put a butt under your pillow after you've done the deed.  (hahahahahah just reread what I wrote and I'm totally leaving it...you know what I meant.)

     I see adoption in our future...but that's atleast a year down the road.  After all, we do need to pay down our debt.  But along the way...I'm looking forward to making new friends!

My new love

Meet my brand new Vitamix.  A lovely gift courtesy of my in-laws. I'm sooooo excited to try it out.  I'm hoping this will help me adapt to a more healthy lifestyle (not that I eat like crap), but I am excited to drink my veggies. 

Tidbits

    This list has been festering in my brain for quite awhile and I think it's about time I wrote it down.  While traversing through my day to day mundane life, I've noticed a few things that seem so trivial they really shouldn't matter, but at the end of the day, you add them up and realize they caused a bunch of unnecessary frustration.  I'm fairly certain that if people would take the time to pay attention to the following list our lives would go much more smoothly.  So without further ado....

THE LIST (a.k.a...I get annoyed when)

*Baggers at the grocery store bag your groceries without giving it any thought.  Part of my minor OCD self enjoys grouping things on the conveyer belt.  I usually make the following basic groups...boxes, canned goods, cold items, frozen items, veggies/fruits and breads/eggs.  I'm pretty sure it doesn't get much simpler than that.  Imagine my annoyance when I find my bread sitting on top of my frozen chicken or the bag falls apart because someone thought a plastic bag could cary 5 cartons of ice cream (not for me...for work!).  Let's have a little common sense, Mr. Bagger man (or woman).

*Cars don't pull forward in a drive-thru.  I noticed this the other day while sitting in the Starbucks drive-thru.  I know...the ultimate laziness...but seriously, you can't expect me to get out of my car when I haven't had my coffee yet!  Anywho...our Starbucks gets extremely crowded and often the drive-thru has the potential to back up onto the road.  I'm a firm believer that if you get into the drive-thru line you automatically take on a drive-thru responsibility.  And your number one responsibility?  PAYING ATTENTION and pulling forward.  Let's face it, most of us are in a lazy hurry and your inability to stay focused on the car in front of you doesn't help out.

*People get on the elevator before you get off the elavator.  I know...you would think this one would be common sense too, but I guess there's too many dense people out there.  You can't possibly think you can cram yourself onto a full elavotor without letting off a few people first.  I'll also put the inability of people to stand back and let people off into this category.  Nothing annoys me more than having someone in your face the minute the elavator doors open...well other than them trying to get on while I'm still standing there.

*I'm reading an article in a magizine and I get through the first page and then it tells me to continue to another page...50 pages away.  Is it really so hard when publishing a magazine to keep the stories together?  I understand you have to through in an ad or too...but seriously. 

***this one will never be fixed but still annoys me just the same***....The fact that commercials are ten times louder than the show you're watching.  If we're all deaf by the time we make it to a nursing home it won't be because of our iPods...it'll be because the damn commercials were too loud.


I'm sure I've got more, but that seems like enough complaining for now. 

Pardon my Soapbox

     This afternoon I was in a resident's room giving her a manicure and she happened to be watching Ellen. Ellen had TV star Ellen Pompeo on as a guest and they started talking about Ellen P.'s latest 'cause'. Ellen P. has teamed with Huggies Diapers in a program called "Every Little Bottom".  Huggies has donated over 18 million diapers around the country to struggling women.  Ellen P. stated she was shocked to learn that one in three women struggle to put clean diapers on their children. I froze. I literally felt the anger start to creep in. I don't get ANGRY very often.  But this statistic and this cause actually made me mad.  Don't get me wrong...I totally agree every baby deserves to have a clean rear end, but SERIOUSLY?  Here's a thought...I may be going out on a limb by saying this but....  IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO PUT A DIAPER ON YOUR BABY, DON'T GET PREGNANT!!!!!

     Okay, Okay....I'm a Libra and I can usually see both sides to everything....so in all fairness, I'll lend some understanding to those  mothers who maybe lost their job (or their husband's lost their job) and when they had a baby could afford diapers...but perhaps now can't.   Likewise, I'll give credit to mothers who maybe left a horrible & abusive marriage to give their child a better life long term, but short term can't afford diapers.  I understand crazy and unforseen circumstances...but I highly doubt that would lead to such an alarming statistic.  One in Three women??

      Maybe instead of handing out free diapers we should hand out condoms....Unfortunately, once a person reaches a certain age they're deemed capable of making sound decisions...and let's face it...that's not always the case.

      The "Every little bottom" campaign sounds like a great and worthy cause, but a caring and loving mother would realize that they could buy a few cloth diapers and wash them.  It may not be the most sanitary option but it definitely beats putting a dirty or worse...no diaper on a baby.  I'd prefer to see a celebrity support a  "Every little mouth" campaign that donated formula or baby food....or clothing or blankets, etc.  You know...things necessary to a child's survival.  Because, let's face it, children can still go to the bathroom, diaper or no diaper, and they do everyday in other countries. 

      And while I'm on my little soapbox....I'm still waiting for infertility to catch on as a "fashionable" disease.  You know, like breast cancer.  Heck, even football players wear pink now.  **I'm not knocking breast cancer, by any means**  But I'd like to see more awareness for other causes....Alzheimer's disease has finally started to catch on, but there are so many more worthy causes out there.  Why don't celebrities donate some money to us middle class people who can barely afford to find out why we can't have children, let alone go through the procedures to actually HAVE kids.  I get sick when I see so many celebrities visiting a 'fertility doctor' like it's some new trend just so they can have multiples.  And I know couples like Bill and Guiliana Ransic legitimately have infertility woes, but do they understand the full magnitude of infertility???  I mean, they can afford to have test after test done.  They can afford to keep trying.  They can afford the best doctors.  How would they feel knowing that their ability to have a family not only relied on their bodies but their bank account as well?  Because that's what a true couple going through infertility faces EVERYDAY.  Our future family does not rest on our determination, on our love, on our gusto or our resilience....it relies on our damn bank account...our paycheck...our career path we chose when we were young and naive and actually took a job based on what we WANTED to do. 

     So why can't celebrities like them set up a fund...a scholarship of sorts....anything to help out us regular couples to complete our families...better yet...they could go to those women who can't afford to diaper their children and convince them to give up their kids for adoption....so my husband and I can have a family...because we can afford diapers....(and formula...and clothes...and to put the kid through college). 
     

CD 1

     Well hello, CD 1.  You're a big pain in the rear you know.  You represent disappointment and hope all wrapped into one.  The disappointment for last month's failed cycle (again) and the hope for next month.  You're a monthly reminder of how things never work out the way we want.  To most people you're just a monthly annoyance.  Or maybe even a welcome joy!  (Boy those days of panic before you showed up seem so long ago!) To most people you're just a reason to have to hit up Wal-Mart for the usual supply of tampons and Midol.  To most people you're a welcome sight....(phew...don't have to worry about saying "I'm tired" for a whole week!)  To most people you're a reason to wear black pants to work all week.  In fact, I bet most people don't even think twice about you. 

     But us infertiles...  We live by you.  Our whole schedule is wrapped around your arrival.  You're our reason to schedule Doctor's appointments and our reason to have timed 'relations'.   Because of you, we have to try to forget last month and focus on the month ahead.  It's because of you that we live MONTH to MONTH.  No other one thing about this whole infertility journey defines us more than your existance.  Actually, it's really only you, CD 1, that matters.  Because now we know.  CD 2 will bring the hope.  CD 1 you're the grieving day. 

    



**Side note:  Never thought I'd write a blog entry talking to my period....my how infertility changes things.**