Over the past few days, I have received numerous messages from people regarding my blog.
I have been amazed and humbled by each one and I thank you so much for your kind words.
An underlying theme in most of them has been "Thank you for helping me to understand....".
Seeing as how you only get things from my perspective and since I'm the one going through infertility, I realized I may be just a bit jaded and a little biased with my certain opinions and views.
I thought it would be helpful to gain an outsiders perspective.
There have been many consistent key players in our eight year journey and one of them is Lindsay.
I firmly believe my infertility story has been made easier because of where I work and with whom I work. Lindsay and I went to the same college and graduated with the same degree though we only vaguely knew who the other person was in school. I am a couple years older than Lindsay. She finished her junior internship here the summer before I started working and then went on to complete her senior internship and get a job. In September 2009, Lindsay joined our Recreation Therapy team full time and became my co-worker. Her first month of work was my fourth IUI (Artificial Insemination) month. Paul and I were in the throws of our fertility treatments.
Our work relationship has changed over the past 5 years. She now has a kid and well, you know my story. I am now her boss. It's been a wonderful journey, mostly because she is one of the kindest people I've ever met.
I asked Lindsay to write a little about what it's like dealing with a co-worker going through infertility.
Take it away, Lindsay!
__________________________________________________________________________
Enter, me. I started working at our retirement community in September of 2009 and right away Katie and I just seemed to click. We had gone to the same school, gotten the same degree, disliked the same teachers (just being honest) and had a passion for working with the elderly. Katie and I quickly got to know each other and quickly became friends.
That's where things got personal....Several months had passed and my husband and I decided it was time to start trying for a baby. I had known since I met Katie that she and her husband desperately wanted to start a family and had been trying for a while. Me, believing everything you learn in family life class in middle school, thought the process seemed quite simple, but I soon learned otherwise.
Katie and I both became members of mymonthlycycle.com (if you've never heard of it-google it!) and would check into it daily. We knew exactly which day we should ovulate, which days were the "best days" and when we would start our monthly cycle. And for several months it became our routine. To me it seemed we were in it together. We had even had talks about sharing our job so we could both work part time once our babies came. However, that was not how it happened. Seven months later I found out I was pregnant.
While I was overjoyed, I was...well, sad. I had a small, very small taste of the disappointment of being so hopeful and then being let down, but my friend had been experiencing that for years. I can't even imagine! Building up hope only to be crushed a couple weeks later. I didn't know how to tell her. I wanted her to know, because she was one of my closest friends, but I knew the pain it caused her every time she found out another one of her friends was expecting. I didn't want to be the source of anymore pain for her.
So I told her. Actually, if I remember correctly, she guessed before I even had the chance. And while she put on a smile, I knew it hurt. But, Katie being the amazing friend that she was, would always be the first person to ask how I was feeling or to push around on my big ol' belly to feel the baby kick. She even planned a baby shower at work for me!!!
Throughout that time and the months to follow I realized I didn't know a whole lot about the pain she experienced so I started reading articles online. I stumbled across all kinds of things...different causes of infertility, different treatments, support groups, personal stories. I learned a lot from that, but I learned more from Katie.
From the very start she was very open with me about her journey. She would share her hopes, dreams and disappointments. At one point I would even watch her give herself shots everyday in her office. I knew when she was going in for procedures and when she was on bed rest. I remember being amazed by her courage and I found myself feeling her disappointments as well.
Looking back on the first years we shared together at work I can't even begin to tell you how I've watched Katie grow. She has found a new strength: started a business (if you haven't tasted or seen her cookies, please do yourself a favor and call her now!!!), strengthened her relationship with her husband, moved up at work and grown closer to God. It seems her whole outlook on life has changed. She is stronger and more courageous than ever.
I know that being so open about her journey isn't easy, but because of it she and her husband have helped raise awareness. From the Race to Parenthood to this blog she is reaching people and sharing her story with people who otherwise might not know about or understand infertility. I know that being part of her journey has opened my eyes and help me become aware, not only about infertility, but life. You never know what a person is going through or dealing with in their life. Be sensitive, educate yourself and be there.
I know that God has a plan for Paul and Katie. I have faith that one day they will be parents.
And they will be AMAZING!!!
Katie, thank you for sharing your story and for letting me be part of it. Know that you and Paul are in my prayers and that I will always be here for you. One day your children are going to look at you and see the beautiful, strong, brave, graceful, godly woman that I see.
_________________________________________________________________________________
And cue my waterworks. When I asked Lindsay to write a little about what it was like working side by side with someone going through infertility, I had no idea she would write something that sweet.
No, I didn't pay her!
If you work with someone going through infertility, a little compassion will go a long way. Lindsay has always managed to find the perfect balance of listening and talking. She let me poke and prod on her belly because she knew I needed it, even on days when she probably wanted to smack my hand away. She let me make my sarcastic comments because she knew that was how I coped. She always seemed to know the perfect days for when I needed to take a walk and the perfect days when I needed a milkshake. Last Tuesday, Lindsay and another one of my employees (Hey, Meridith!) did the sweetest thing. They knew my FET was on Friday and they brought me in a huge gift bag full of goodies needed for a good old fashioned veg day…or in an infertile's world…a day spent laying on the couch or bed wondering over and over again if you're laying in the right position…if you're embryos are still alive…etc. The gift bag contained a box of chocolate chip muffins, a bag of pretzel thins, a package of pumpkin cheesecake pepperidge farm cookies, two magazines, a movie, a sudoku puzzle book, reeses peanut butter cups, a bag of jelly beans, a bottle of nail polish and a Disney princess cup. Do those girls know me or what? It was the smallest random act of kindness that made the most difference in my week last week.
If someone is going through infertility in your workplace, be compassionate. Remember that your actions will speak louder than your words. Offer a hug (if they're a hugger!). Drop them a note just to say you're thinking of them. Don't say "I understand" (unless you've been through infertility). Instead, say something like, "Wow, that must be hard. I can't even begin to imagine!" Your co-worker will appreciate all your extra efforts. Offer to help with their work load. Lend them a hand and an ear. Don't go shy away in a corner. Don't offer silly advice. Lindsay has been my positive light at work for the past 5 years. You can be someone else's positive light.
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That's where things got personal....Several months had passed and my husband and I decided it was time to start trying for a baby. I had known since I met Katie that she and her husband desperately wanted to start a family and had been trying for a while. Me, believing everything you learn in family life class in middle school, thought the process seemed quite simple, but I soon learned otherwise.
Katie and I both became members of mymonthlycycle.com (if you've never heard of it-google it!) and would check into it daily. We knew exactly which day we should ovulate, which days were the "best days" and when we would start our monthly cycle. And for several months it became our routine. To me it seemed we were in it together. We had even had talks about sharing our job so we could both work part time once our babies came. However, that was not how it happened. Seven months later I found out I was pregnant.
While I was overjoyed, I was...well, sad. I had a small, very small taste of the disappointment of being so hopeful and then being let down, but my friend had been experiencing that for years. I can't even imagine! Building up hope only to be crushed a couple weeks later. I didn't know how to tell her. I wanted her to know, because she was one of my closest friends, but I knew the pain it caused her every time she found out another one of her friends was expecting. I didn't want to be the source of anymore pain for her.
So I told her. Actually, if I remember correctly, she guessed before I even had the chance. And while she put on a smile, I knew it hurt. But, Katie being the amazing friend that she was, would always be the first person to ask how I was feeling or to push around on my big ol' belly to feel the baby kick. She even planned a baby shower at work for me!!!
Throughout that time and the months to follow I realized I didn't know a whole lot about the pain she experienced so I started reading articles online. I stumbled across all kinds of things...different causes of infertility, different treatments, support groups, personal stories. I learned a lot from that, but I learned more from Katie.
From the very start she was very open with me about her journey. She would share her hopes, dreams and disappointments. At one point I would even watch her give herself shots everyday in her office. I knew when she was going in for procedures and when she was on bed rest. I remember being amazed by her courage and I found myself feeling her disappointments as well.
Looking back on the first years we shared together at work I can't even begin to tell you how I've watched Katie grow. She has found a new strength: started a business (if you haven't tasted or seen her cookies, please do yourself a favor and call her now!!!), strengthened her relationship with her husband, moved up at work and grown closer to God. It seems her whole outlook on life has changed. She is stronger and more courageous than ever.
I know that being so open about her journey isn't easy, but because of it she and her husband have helped raise awareness. From the Race to Parenthood to this blog she is reaching people and sharing her story with people who otherwise might not know about or understand infertility. I know that being part of her journey has opened my eyes and help me become aware, not only about infertility, but life. You never know what a person is going through or dealing with in their life. Be sensitive, educate yourself and be there.
I know that God has a plan for Paul and Katie. I have faith that one day they will be parents.
And they will be AMAZING!!!
Katie, thank you for sharing your story and for letting me be part of it. Know that you and Paul are in my prayers and that I will always be here for you. One day your children are going to look at you and see the beautiful, strong, brave, graceful, godly woman that I see.
_________________________________________________________________________________
And cue my waterworks. When I asked Lindsay to write a little about what it was like working side by side with someone going through infertility, I had no idea she would write something that sweet.
No, I didn't pay her!
If you work with someone going through infertility, a little compassion will go a long way. Lindsay has always managed to find the perfect balance of listening and talking. She let me poke and prod on her belly because she knew I needed it, even on days when she probably wanted to smack my hand away. She let me make my sarcastic comments because she knew that was how I coped. She always seemed to know the perfect days for when I needed to take a walk and the perfect days when I needed a milkshake. Last Tuesday, Lindsay and another one of my employees (Hey, Meridith!) did the sweetest thing. They knew my FET was on Friday and they brought me in a huge gift bag full of goodies needed for a good old fashioned veg day…or in an infertile's world…a day spent laying on the couch or bed wondering over and over again if you're laying in the right position…if you're embryos are still alive…etc. The gift bag contained a box of chocolate chip muffins, a bag of pretzel thins, a package of pumpkin cheesecake pepperidge farm cookies, two magazines, a movie, a sudoku puzzle book, reeses peanut butter cups, a bag of jelly beans, a bottle of nail polish and a Disney princess cup. Do those girls know me or what? It was the smallest random act of kindness that made the most difference in my week last week.
If someone is going through infertility in your workplace, be compassionate. Remember that your actions will speak louder than your words. Offer a hug (if they're a hugger!). Drop them a note just to say you're thinking of them. Don't say "I understand" (unless you've been through infertility). Instead, say something like, "Wow, that must be hard. I can't even begin to imagine!" Your co-worker will appreciate all your extra efforts. Offer to help with their work load. Lend them a hand and an ear. Don't go shy away in a corner. Don't offer silly advice. Lindsay has been my positive light at work for the past 5 years. You can be someone else's positive light.
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