Music and Faith

I've debated long and hard about writing this post.  

People often joke that if you want to keep your friends you never talk about finances, politics or religion.

And this post is going to get religious.  

This is just a glimpse into what makes me, me.

It's kind of a huge step to come out and say 

"Hey, I'm a Christian….and yes, I love Jesus"

It's an even bigger step for someone who was raised in the Catholic faith where (typically) you showed your beliefs by adhering to man made rules and traditions, but kept your faith hush hush.  Unless of course it was time for a baptism, 1st Holy Communion, or Confirmation in which case, everyone seemed to know it was time for that special sacrament. 

I've delved into our faith journey and our infertility journey from time to time in this blog. 

But on Friday night, I was overcome with this weird sense of all of the areas of my life coming together.

Follow me here.

I love music.

Not in the sense where I can read music or play music or teach music.  

Not even in the sense where I want to listen to symphonies or classical music or jazz or easy listening.  

Cause, honestly, while I appreciate it all, some of that music kinda makes me want to cut off my ears.

My music career began and ended with me 'playing the flag' in high school band.

And I have LOTS of talented musicians in my family. 

I'm talking about specific songs, certain bands and live shows.

I love songs that cut right to my heart and seem to carry the most perfect message or sentiment for my mood.

I love the pulse, the rhythm, the crowd when you attend a live show.

And I have quite an eclectic repetoire of live shows under my belt.

I've seen KISS, Cher, Kenny Chesney (4 times), NKOTB, NSYNC, STYX, Journey, Shania Twain, Pat Benetar, Chicago, The All American Rejects, Rascall Flatts, Cindy Lauper, Passion Pit, Of Monsters and Men, Simple Plan, Three Doors Down, Breaking Benjamin, The Wallflowers, and too many others I can't even remember.  

And most of those were pre-college graduation.

But there was this one genre of music that I was never exposed to.

As a young Catholic, all I knew were Catholic hymns.

I didn't even know generic hymns.  

Old Rugged Cross? Be Thou My Vision?, etc.  I learned those when I started working at a Methodist retirement home.

I'm not knocking those Catholic hymns…they still provide me with the most comfort.

I'm just saying I didn't know other 'Christian' music existed until we switched churches four years ago.

Now, suddenly, my world has expanded to include Christian music.

If you would have told me in high school that I would actively be seeking out live Christian concerts, I would have looked at you like you had two heads.

But, when life hands you something like infertility and you start (at first) grasping onto whatever branch you can to stay afloat…and you find music that provides you with an uplifting message, you take it and run with it.  

You cling for dear life.

You search for more uplifting songs…for more artists.

And you keep freakin' clinging…because in those early days, the alternative is letting go and drowning.

And drowning was never an option.

Somewhere over the past four years, the music switched in my heart from being life-saving to life-giving.  

My second sister and I have introduced our baby sister to our new church…and consequently, she's learned to love listening to some Christian music, too.

It dawned on me that many of the songs I cling so desperately to probably don't have as much meaning to her.  She hasn't had to walk through a huge battle yet.

(Not that high school/boyfriends/friends/family isn't a battle in their own right)

But, I mean a life altering, game changing battle.

A battle that makes you re-evaluate everything in your life.

I pray that introducing her to this kind of music at this stage in her life will fill her with the strength, courage and hope she'll need to face whatever challenges come her way.

For my infertility journey, I am thankful.  It has opened up a whole new world for me and provides a common ground for my youngest sister and I to bond over.

Whatever challenges you're facing, whatever difficult journey lies ahead of you, I hope you find some meaning in these videos. They're just a few of the songs I hold closest to my heart and I heard them all last Friday night at KingsFest.

(Side note, my videos of the live shows would not upload, so you get the actual youtube music video.)

Whether you hear or feel Jesus in them or not…I hope you can still find an uplifting message.

Maybe this is the first you've been exposed to this type of music. 

Maybe you'll find yourself desperately clinging in a time of need in a place you never thought you'd be and music will speak the loudest to your heart like it did mine.

I pray some of these lyrics will stick with you and encourage you.

I challenge you to take the time to really listen to each song.

For King & Country-Shoulders

For King and Country-Fix my Eyes

For King and Country- To the Dreamers

Matthew West- Forgiveness

Building 429- Where I belong

Building 429-Listen to the Sound

The only constant in life is change

It's the end of an era 'round these parts. 

 

By the end of this week, this beauty will no longer reside at the Z household.
(I'm talking about the motorcycle...not my husband!)

(At the Harley Dealership getting ready to drive it off the lot in 2011)

 

It was one of the most incredibly hard decisions we've ever had to make.

 

Saying goodbye to something that's been more like a sweet friend or a trusty companion instead of an object that just gets parked in the driveway.

 

See, this motorcycle saved us.

Even in the very early days of owning it...before we had even bought the appropriate foot attire, this silly motorcycle helped us grow up and grow together.

 

(Right before Paul took his first ride.)

 (Me trying the bike out in my heeled boots...the only way my feet could reach the ground.
No rides for me though, I didn't even have a helmet yet!)

 

We thought we bought this motorcycle as a gift to ourselves for surviving the hardest year of our marriage.  When our first IVF attempt and our first Frozen Embryo Transfer both failed in 2010, we hit rock bottom.  Our emotional, financial, and mental wells were tapped completely dry.

We had maxed out our credit cards paying for fertility treatments, so we knew we couldn't add any more credit cards...but (in our minds), we could afford to start paying off our credit cards little by little AND a Harley payment. Paul promised to pick up extra off duty and while getting the Harley was by no means the smartest financial move we have ever made, the value it brought to our life has no price.

 

We accumulated the appropriate riding gear, slowly but surely.

And felt the road calling.

 

At a time where we could have let our marriage fall apart...as is often the case when couples go through infertility...we made it a point to ride the Harley together.

Choosing a passion that bonded us over our individual interests.

 

In the early days of Harley ownership, when our minds needed the most clearing...our rides were long.

 

We conquered most all of skyline drive together...twice.

 

 

 

First as a dynamic duo...

 

and then with friends.

 

 

Two years in a row we packed for a weekend of tailgating in our Harley and hit the road to State College, PA.  I was always so proud of us for being able to pack for an entire weekend in a backpack and two little saddlebags. My heart instantly calms down the minute I start driving towards PA...and I have always had double the peace when I'm riding on the back of the Harley.

 

(I snapped this photo from the back of the Harley on one of our gorgeous trips home from PA.)

 

While we worked on slimming ourselves down...we added to the bike.

The Harley got a brand new seat (much to my rear end's happiness!), a luggage rack, a larger sissy bar, and an engine guard.

 

And Thank God for that engine guard.

 

The same storm that toppled our neighbor's tree into our yard, also knocked the bike down. 

 

(You can see the bike next to Paul in the white shirt)

 

I'm going to miss watching my hubby ride the Harley as I follow behind him in the car...because I cannot pack for the beach in two saddlebags and a back pack!

 

 

I'm also going to miss indulging my husband's crazy ideas like taking the Harley all the way down to Hatteras.

 

It was a gorgeous day for a bike ride, but sand and motorcycles do NOT mix!

 

 

And I know that Paul is going to miss his solo rides. 

It wasn't uncommon for Paul to log over a 100 miles in one solo ride.

I can't imagine the loss he must be feeling as we close this chapter of our lives.

 

 

It's even more bittersweet now that our niece has picked up on the fact that "Uncle Pawl" rides "motahcycles".

 

 

I've got a pretty good arsenal of motorcycle memories swirling in my brain.

 

Like the time a deer cut us off and our feet clipped the deer as it darted by us at 60 mph and somehow, by the grace of God, we stayed upright.

 

Or the time we decided to ride the Harley to the top of Carter's mountain...which is a lot windier and steeper on a Harley than in a car....and has gravel at the top!

 

Or the countless times we raced to get home before the rain clouds opened up. Like that one time we darted into the only store on Sky Line drive just before a HUGE storm rolled through...and realized how desperately we needed rain gear because even after it stops raining...the roads are still wet and you will still end up soaked.

 

Or all the hundreds of back roads and quaint towns we've seen during our 'explorations' in Virginia.

 

 

I keep rereading this and I realize how completely ridiculous it sounds to get so mushy over a bike.

 

For four years this Harley has been our escape...our outlet...our sanity.

When our world felt wrong, being together on the bike felt right.

 

We had to trust each other immensely and learn how to communicate creatively with each during long rides.

 

We hemmed and hawed over whether or not to sell it. 

But then, the stars aligned again and as it turns out...our 'riding' friends have bought the bike.

 

Is it weird to be comforted by the ability to have visitation rights with the bike?

We are at peace knowing the bike will be in good hands...knowing that we'll be able to follow its journey. 

 

So why now? 

Why this moment?

 

Because, y'all....big and exciting things are brewing for the Z's.

Things that will be revealed in time.

Things that provide this couple's hearts with a peace and a joy that's been missing for a long, long time.

 

(no...I'm not pregnant).

 

Stay tuned!