School Days

Most local elementary school students had their open houses this week...including ours.

That's still so weird for me to process. Less than two months ago we were focused on solely providing for a baby and then bam, elementary schooler invasion. Less than two weeks ago we were finally given permission to register the elementary schooler at our local school. Which, unfortunately in the foster care world, only tells us the child will be with us when the school year begins. After that, your guess is as good as ours and we find ourselves in this weird limbo. It's so hard to describe, especially since our current situation is so temporary....which is exactly why it feels like limbo (duh!).

I already anticipated some of the more challenging decisions needed to be made at an open house...to buy a fall festival shirt or not, given all our unknowns, etc.? And I knew from other foster momma posts to brace myself for all the child's 'about me' forms.  A simple addition of the word foster before the words mom & dad seemed to help solve that problem...at least on today's simple questionnaire. But I didn't anticipate the need to tell the world that this kiddo was my foster child, while trying to keep it under wraps just as equally. I want our child to have the ability to tell their own story, in their own time, but I also want teachers and counselors and other parents to be aware so they can provide the best possible support. Toeing the line of privacy and transparency is mentally exhausting.

But, then, God gives us these wonderful moments where we are able to see the threads he has woven throughout our whole lives to get us to that very moment. And in the moment where I needed it most today, sitting alone at a desk, filling out challenging & unknown questions for a child I have known for less than two months, HE met me and I was so, so grateful.

My elementary school memories are centered around a core group of children. We always seemed to be in the same classes year after year, we lived near each other, our parents were all very involved and they are sweet, innocent and happy memories. And I think part of the reason they are so sweet, innocent and happy in my mind is because I moved to a new school in fifth grade. Consequently, those friendships I formed so early on managed to stay untainted by the changing dynamics of the middle and high school years. To this day, whenever I randomly bump into one of those people, I am instantly transported back to some of my most favorite memories. And today, while sitting at my elementary schooler's desk, in walked one of those very children from my elementary school days because his child is now in my child's class. Coincidentally, we became friends in the very same grade level classroom we were in today. And I had one of my flashbacks. And as I turned around and looked at my elementary schooler, I saw my child in a new light. Because when I think about my friends from those years, I remember it all so vividly. We've (undoubtedly, because all parents do) had some struggles with our child and today was such a sweet gift. I sat there, in humble awareness and inner laughter, at all God can do, all from a series of events He started orchestrating 28 years ago.

Our child had begun to play with another child while I was having my momentary flashback and in a very serendipitous conversation with the child's parents who were sitting just diagonal from me, I realized the child my child was engaging with, lives in our neighborhood. And I immediately was aware that my prayer for my kiddo of stability and familiar faces, had been heard...and not by any of the key people we knew it would be, but by the developing of a new friendship. Someone who will be on the same bus and will be finding their way to the same class.

Foster care is hard. And it is going to hurt like hell when these kids leave, but I will be forever grateful for the opportunity to continuously witness God's grace and goodness in the most unexpected places firsthand.

And, in case you were wondering, I did buy the Fall Festival shirts...because...well, faith.

3 months, 1 month, a birthday and our village.

Today is leaving me with all the feels and for those of you who know me, you know admitting that is quite an accomplishment.

It's been three whole months since our world got flipped upside down. Since we entered into the most challenging and yet infinitely rewarding experience of our lives. I thought we survived a lot with our infertility journey and yet the foster care part of our story is so much more. More challenging, more mentally exhausting, more emotionally draining, which makes the triumphs more triumphant and the small victories more victorious. Most days we find ourselves sifting and shifting through joy and sadness and allowing the good and the bad of foster care to permeate our daily lives is exactly how I think we're surviving it. Somewhere along the way we find ourselves smack dab in the middle. Even if it's just for the simple fact that choosing which emotion to feel the greatest is just too dang challenging and so we sit right there in the middle of it all....because it is what is.  Our first child settled into our lives so ridiculously easy. It's as if the baby had been here all along. The blessing of the baby is that it couldn't talk...the curse of the baby is also that it couldn't talk. So while we had no sass or talking back, we also had a lot of questions in regards to basic baby needs. Routine? Food preferences? Sleep schedule? But, overall, the three months with the baby has been so, so sweet (in regards to the baby...not the babe's story).

It's been one month since our world was ROCKED. Since an elementary schooler infiltrated our lives and our home. For those of you who have kids, I hope you'll understand what I mean. With babies, they have a lot of stuff, but you can put it where you want to and there it stays. Kid's stuff just explodes. I'm not even entirely sure how or when it happened, but one day it wasn't there and the next day...BOOM. And the blessing of elementary schoolers is that they can talk...and the curse is that they can talk. And talk, ours does. Our one month with the elementary schooler has felt twice as long as our three months with the baby and I don't (necessarily) mean that in a bad way. I am certainly not negating parenting a biological child, but there's this added level of parenting/exhaustion/guessing when it's a foster child and we are quickly learning how much of a difference the child's age makes. I feel like I'm merely stating the obvious here so I shall move on. This past month has been such an eye opener. I've said it before and I'll say it forever...once you see the brokenness...you can't unsee it.

We celebrated the baby's birthday today. We are so grateful we were given the opportunity to do this for the baby yet so painfully aware of the reason why we have this opportunity. We held it at a local Children's Museum and they treated us so well. It was the perfect spot to entertain the age range of the kiddos who joined us today. My only regret is feeling like I did not have enough time to mingle with my favorite people, but I think it usually goes that way. We went with a theme that was special to us and the kiddo. Every morning for the first 2.5 months of the baby's placement, the little one snuggled on our laps with a morning bottle and we sleepily watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse together savoring those snuggles.

And now, to the most important part of this post, our village. You know the saying "it takes a village to raise a child", well, it is infinitely more true when the children arrive unexpectedly, with super-sized back stories and minimal physical items. My last post briefly discussed how our village showed up big time with helping us stock up on those physical needs as soon as our kiddos showed up but I have not touched on the most important part of our village. I am in complete awe of every parent who was in that room with us today. They are selflessly weaving our foster children into not just their life stories but their children's life stories. They are taking on the challenge of potentially having to answer very hard questions from children who like to ask the hardest and most honest questions. They are showing our foster children love and support and consistency by being present as adults and interacting with our kids, but when they add in their children...they are allowing our kids to make new friends when their old friends have been ripped from them which means new relationships and memories will be made to fill our children's buckets. As foster children, whose lives are full of trauma in such a magnitude of different ways, these sweet, simple interactions and moments (even the normalcy of two children fighting over a toy) provide opportunities for growth and connection. While we do not get a say in how our children's stories will unfold, we do know every parent in that room had a choice to include our children into their children's stories. I don't know about you, but I didn't know any 'foster' kids when I was a child. If I did, I certainly wasn't aware of it. To all of our friends who showed up in a big way today....we are so insanely grateful for you. For choosing to explain to your kids in whatever way needed how we ended up suddenly with two children. For choosing to have the even harder discussion (when the time comes) how we suddenly no longer have children.  We know those gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, out-of-the-blue questions will be doozies and words cannot adequately express our thankfulness for your grace and your compassion. Your willingness to walk through this chaos with us (when we didn't give you a choice) is beyond humbling. I remember sitting in one of our foster care classes and we were given a few minutes to fill out a chart of our support network, of the people who we felt would support us in various ways. It was so easy for us to fill out that chart, but I never stopped to think of the ripple effect on our support system's children. Thank you from the very bottom of our hearts for loving us and our children so well during this season of life.