Hello Blog Awards!

When I first saw a post about blog awards, I instantly went back to the early days of AOL and doing quizzes.  It was pretty much one big competition.  But...I just got awarded my first blog award and it's pretty freakin' sweet. 

It's nice to put a name/face with a blog title, especially since I follow so many blogs it's hard to keep everyone straight! 

Jessica, over at Knock Jessica Up was amazing enough to give me my first award!  She informed everyone I was taking a break from TTC and baking cookies.  And put like that, I had to seriously laugh....because in that moment I thought "Sheesh Katie, you can't bake babies so you'll bake anything these days!".  Hahaha. 

This is how it works:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award

2. Share 7 things about yourself

3. Award some recently discovered bloggers that are deserving

4. Contact those bloggers and let them know about the award

Okay.....7 things about me.  This is going to be hard since I'm such an honest and open person.  Hope you learn something new!

1.  I have four younger sisters.  Our ages are 26, almost 23, 20, 15, and 13.   I pray none of them face fertility challenges.   My second sister is getting married in May and I am secretly terrified of what will happen if she has a baby before me.  My sisters are my rock.  I blame them for not having many close friends.  ;)  They are my four best friends. 

2.  I like syrup on my eggs.  I'd prefer my eggs fertilized but since that's not happening any time soon, I'll take syrup. 

3.  I LOVE Disney World.  I will never tire of it. I have been 8 times.  I'd like to retire down there and help give people a 'magical' day, but then I'd have to say goodbye to all chance of snowy winters and I do love snow too.

4.  I would like to visit all 50 states in my lifetime.  I've never been out west.   Alaska is next on my big dreams list.  Actually...scratch that...I want to take my husband to Niagara Falls.

5.  I seriously want to perfect my cookie making ability.  I'm going to keep my goal of 12 batches of cookies for the year.  I'm looking forward to all the upcoming cookie plans I've got.

 6.  My belly button use to be pierced.  I got it pierced when I was 17.  My parents actually allowed me to have it done, knowing it was less permanent than a tatoo.   But when we started TTC I took it out to give it time to heal before my belly grew.  Three years later I wish I still had it there instead of an ugly scar.

7.  My grandfather passed away 4 years ago today.  I'm still lucky to have my other 3 grandparents alive, but I was most like my Pap-Pap.  Hard exterior, soft interior, smart ass mouth.  I get my love of gardening from him as well as my blonde hair and blue eyes....and my Catholic faith.

Okay, now for my tags...


Jennifer over at Do I have to be a D.I.N.K?  She's one of the very first blogs I started to follow.  She took an amazing vacation back in the fall and is getting ready for a transfer tomorrow morning.  Go send some prayers her way!

Kam at Our New Normal is currently in the beginning stages of adoption.  I love reading her blog as I imagine to be traversing through the land of adoption in the future.

A at Remember All the Way.  She's one of the newest blogs on my reading list.  We've connected over a serious topic like religion.  She's been an amazing support over the past few weeks.  I'm blessed to have bumped into her in this blogging world!

Jenna at Among the Blossoms literally makes me laugh everytime I read her blog.  I often imagine I write like her, but she's way wittier! 

Phew...Glad that's over.  DH just wondered what the heck was taking so long!

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

PSA

        A year ago one of my wonderful friends from college moved all the way from Virginia to Texas.  She made an amazing leap of faith and decided to share her experience through blogging.  She's a fantastic writer and will probably always remain my favorite blog to read.  I'm so happy she decided to start blogging as I get to live vicariously through her adventures.  To help celebrate her blogoversary, her sisters had her blog turned into a hard back book.  It's freaking amazing. 
       I plan on having each year I blog turned into a book.  I don't intend on having anyone read the books anytime soon, but a future child or grandchild may appreciate knowing our story years down the road.  I wanted to share the website they used.  It has a 'blog to print' feature.  Your book price depends on how many blog entries you choose. 
      Without further ado!    http://www.sharedbook.com/

Hope you enjoy!

More Cookies

Here are the cookies I made for my coworkers.  I love this blue color.  My favorite are the A's and the little ones with simple fun squiggly lines.  I played around with them.  I outlined some in blue and flooded with white and vise versa.  I also outlined and flooded in the same color.  I was trying to see if I prefered a different color outline or the same color outline. Just minor details, but it's fun to play around! 

New Goal

     Considering my husband and I have no plans for doing any sort of fertility treatment this year, I figured I needed something to blog about.  
      I've decided to make atleast one batch of sugar cookies per month.  I figured that's a reasonable goal especially since there's a holiday in almost every month.  I also want to perfect my cupcake icing skills so I bought some new icing tips.  I also found a home-made buttercream icing recipe I've been dying to try out.  I'm thinking if the Steelers make it to the Superbowl that'll be a perfect reason to make some (especially since I'm sure my family will be over Steelers cookies).
     DH worked ALL day so I had plenty of time to practice my icing skills.  I still have a LONG way to go.  I cannot get the hang of piping an outline in a circle.  My squares look okay, but darn those circles will be the death of me.   I'm also learning how to get the perfect consistency for the flooding icing.  Too runny and it takes FOREVER to set up and gets air bubbles.  Too thick and it's impossible to spread around and get that smooth look.  I also need to get the hang of working with the piping icing.  Too thick and the lines break, too runny and everything blends together.  I'm also learning how to pick out the right icing tip.  So far my favorite cookies have been the ones I made for some of my co-workers.  I'll post pictures of those cookies after Monday. 
      Here are the cookies I made this weekend. 

I didn't do anything really creative with these cookies.  Just wanted to get some more practice with the various icing tips.  I also wanted to practice my writing.  I usually have very neat handwriting, unfortunately that doesn't correlate to neat icing writing.  I think my problem may be that I don't have a size 1 tip.  All of the cookie blogs I've read have said a 1 tip is the best for writing.  I have a 00 (super super small) and a size 2.  I went to Michael's but they were out of the size 1.  I'm also learning how to make my b's, A's, and e's without the icing running together and turning into one big blob. 

I had to make the Green Bay ones for DH again.   If both teams make it to the superbowl, he won't be getting any Green Bay goodies made by me :)

Let's go Steelers!!!!

      

Church and our New Year's Resolution

    **This post may contain sensitive material to some readers.  Remember, this is my outlet for my feelings and thoughts.  These are merely my opinions and my view points, my attempt to wrap my head around these issues. Please do not take anything personally.**

     Several posts ago, I stated our New Year's Resolution was to really attempt to make it to church every weekend.  The first two weeks were difficult...last weekend I posted about having to sit through a baptism.  This weekend's mass was no different.  In fact, this was the hardest weekend yet.  Sunday was "Respect Life" Sunday for the Catholic Church.  One of our priests (who was filling in for our usual priest) decided for his homily to open it up to questions regarding the Catholic church's teachings in regards to respecting life issues, from the very beginning to the very end.   I heard a collective groan from the congregation as most of us go to church to hear a good homily, not for a question and answer session, especially one dealing with such a touchy subject.  

      I may be too modern for the Catholic Church, but I'm pretty sure most people would agree that in some areas the Catholic Church is still teaching like it was two hundred years ago.  That their beliefs haven't caught up with today's technology.   Because of this, some of the questions asked during the 'homily' were very difficult questions to answer and the priest, being caught off guard, really beat around the bush.   Questions varied.  Someone asked about the church's view on the death penalty, another about if doctors who performed abortions committed sin and broke the 5th commandment, another about using contraception in 3rd world countries to prevent diseases, another about a married couple who already have children using birth control.  All of these are sensitive subjects, with everyone having a different opinion.   What really upset me was the fact that the priest kept saying "Children should come into this world naturally, through the love and intimacy of a married couple".   Naturally is the word that struck a chord with me.   The priest's choice of words made it seem as though my husband and I were a failure for being unable to create life in the most basic, "natural" way. 

     Thanks to my mother-in-law telling me at the very beginning that my DH couldn't be tested because masturbating was a sin in God's eyes, I pretty much knew the Catholic viewpoint of IVF....obviously they'd be against it. 
 
      So why, after being raised Catholic my entire life, am I not against it?  Does this make me a bad Catholic?  I have a feeling it's because I've lived it.  Infertility is a nightmare that came true for us and let's be honest, a priest...the Pope have no darn idea.  So forgive me for thinking that perhaps their teachings can be slightly biased.  Of course it's so easy to teach that conception begins from the moment the egg becomes fertilized by the sperm.  But here's the deal....if that were the case, then I would have 18 children.  But our embryos did not grow into perfect little babies sitting in a petri dish.  We are still childless.   And here's where some Catholics would chime in and say "Well, you tried to create life. You played God.  Only God can create life."  But I think that's crap because lots of babies have been conceived and born using IVF.  Does God really want a baby to be born to two young teenagers more than he wants one born to my husband and I?  
     So I googled about the Catholic church.  Just to make sure I was getting it right. 

Here are the articles I read. 

http://www.catholicinsight.com/online/church/vatican/article_475.shtml

http://www.catholicinsight.com/online/church/vatican/article_475.shtml

http://www.nccbuscc.org/prolife/programs/rlp/98rlphaa.shtml

     I was literally floored.  They make IVF sound so horrible.  Sure, you have to throw your modesty out the window, sure it's not fun to be poked and prodded, but my husband and I are trying to create a child out of our love for each other because 'naturally' didn't work.  God made man smart enough to come up with these procedures.  I tend to believe if God would be against using science to create life, then shouldn't he be against using technology to sustain life?   The Catholic church does not believe life support should be used to sustain life, only as a temporary means to recovery.   But then shouldn't it also frown upon using chemotherapy and radiation to get rid of cancer?  That's altering the course of something bad happening within your body and changing the 'natural' course of a disease growing in your body. 

     That's where the line gets blurry. 

     One of those articles states that the Catholic church doesn't have an issue with some medical help in the fertility field so long as children are conceived via having intercourse.  For example, taking Clomid, then having intercourse.  But shouldn't the church be against that too?  Clomid is not natural and it can result in multiple births that may have not occured otherwise. 

     I just can't get past the fact that MY church does not support us in choosing other methods to help us create our family.

     I've always been rather blase' when it comes to the Catholic churches teachings.  Silly, I know, but out of my 4 grandparents, only 1 was Catholic.  The other 3 were Methodist, so I never grew up a 'strict' Catholic.  I couldn't tell you Holy Days of Obligation or Patron Saints.  I went to church because I believed in God and living a Christian lifestyle.  Because I saw most of my aunts and uncles at church and it was a happy place to be.  Because I love tradition and the Catholic church is full of them.  But now?  I've entered this new phase in life.  One where I have to make difficult decisions.  And silly me for thinking church should be a place that lifts you up, not brings you down. 

     Sorry for all  my rambling.  DH and I have alot to think about.  No, I don't forsee us leaving the Catholic Church, but something has to change.....and soon. 

~Happy 100th blog post to me.  Exactly 13 months.~

Embracing my inner Martha

      I love having any excuse to be crafty as long as I can find the time to do so.  Luckily for me, DH worked the past 2 nights in a row!  I've recently started following some cookie blogs and have pretty much become obsessed with wanting to bake cookies.  Luckily for me I'm a HUGE Steelers fan and my DH is a HUGE Packers fan so this weekend provided the perfect opportunity to hone my skills...which have a TON of room for improvement.

      I always like to give myself a challenge and mastering the art of piping royal icing will be my next thing to conquer. 

      They're definitely not perfect, but I think they turned out decent considering it's my first time making home made royal icing, piping, flooding and doing any sort of creative cookie decorating. Another bonus? We just got our very own Hobby Lobby!!!!  I'm now blessed to live in an area with a Michael's, Ben Franklin's AND Hobby Lobby!!!  A creative person's dream!

      Without further ado..... 

I used awesome food color markers for the Packer decorations

I wish I could have piped the word Steelers where it's suppose to be on the helmet, but there's no way I could pipe that tiny!

OH Yeah......LET'S GO STEELERS!!!

Resolutions

     So one of the resolutions DH and I made together was to really try to make it to church every weekend.  We usually go about twice a month as DH and I don't often make it on the weekends he works (every other weekend), but this year....we wanted to change that.  We went last weekend to start the year off right and knew this weekend would be the real test.  DH committed to going straight to church after work.  For a normal person that wouldn't be a big deal, but for DH it means he has to sit in his police uniform for an extra hour.  Gun belt and bullet proof vest and all.  
     I meet him at church...and instantly realize that it's baptism weekend.  "Oh great" I think.  "Surely, I can't back out now, can I?!"   I spy my aunt and uncle and little girl cousin, who, in all her 7 yr. old innocence, looks up at me and says "Look Katie, see all the babies!"  Insert dagger into heart. 
     See we're Catholic and in the Catholic church we take our baptisms VERY seriously.  Aside from marriage it's almost the most important of the 7 sacraments you participate in, eventhough it technically counts as your child's first.  But think about it.   Your baptism, first Holy Communion and first Reconciliation are pretty much decided for you.  Even your Confirmation (which technically you make that decision) is pretty much a given next step.  Sure there are those few who have the insight in high school to actually know what religion means to them and whether or not they want to remain Catholic but for the most part one usually just goes along with the rest of their peers, because the alternative of not getting confirmed would just KILL your parents.  And then comes marriage.  You either decide to have a Catholic wedding or you don't.  That decision depends on how strong your faith is and who you marry.  For DH and I, both being raised Catholic...a full out Catholic mass, communion and all, was the only way to go.   But then you have babies.  And YOU make the decision to raise your children in the same faith.  And you get to stand in front of a congregation full of people who have probably watched you grow up.  It's as much of a moment for you as it is for the baby.  It's your turn to say..."See, here I am.  I lived my life respectfully and now I'm choosing this for my child as well."  And you have an entire congregation proudly joining in your celebration of you, your faith and your baby.   Ask any strong Catholic and I bet they'll say after the birth of their baby, they instantly start thinking about the baptism.
      Luckily I go to a HUGE Catholic church, with over 2,000 registered FAMILIES.   Which is nice because on those weekends I don't go to church, I don't get the third degree from anyone.  But tonight....tonight I knew who 2 of the 4 babies being baptized were.  The first one was an adorable little girl born to the sister of a guy I was really good friends with in HS.  He's a year older than me and his sister is a few years older than him.  Well he has a son and a daughter of his own.  (got married a year before me) and his sister now has a son and daughter of her own.  The second one is to a girl who is my sister's age (4 years younger than me...so umm..22 or 23) and got married last year. 
      And the pain...the emotion....it was so.....RAW.   I could feel the tears well up in my eyes.  I'm not sure how I made it through the entire mass without bawling.  If you know anything about Catholicism, you'll understand what I mean when I say I'm pretty sure their main teaching is on reproducing as quickly and often as you can.  It's no big secret that most traditional Catholic families are big.  Heck, I'm the oldest of 5.
       So there DH and I sat.  Desperately wanting to baptize a child of our own AND feeling crappy for not being able to reproduce. 
       I know it struck a chord with my DH too.  My usually reserved-about-the-whole-infertility-thing-DH posted "well church was kinda difficult tonight" as his FB status. 
       Hmm...maybe I'll have a better chance at conceiving if I change my name to Mary?!!!

       JUST KIDDING.

       I'm not sure how this whole resolution thing is going to pan out. 

       How about a church for Infertiles?  Who's with me?

Time keeps on slipping.....

     Well here we are....officially one week into the new year.  DH and I made it to the gym 3 times this week and I feel excited to back on the weight loss/exercising band wagon.  Not that we were ever officially off but the holidays have a way of putting a kink in those weight loss plans. 
      On a daily basis, I feel as though we are in a good place in our lives.  We have our routine and our puppies and our family and our house and life is good.  And I look towards 2011 and find all the amazing things we have to look forward to.  My sister's wedding on Memorial Day weekend, DH's cousin's wedding on Long Island & celebrating the 4th of July in NYC, and our anniversary Disney Cruise to the Western Carribean in December.  I am so lucky.  I know the year will fly by once all the planning for the trips begins to happen.
       But then I remember...it almost creeps slowly into my mind....that we are infertile.  Babies just don't fall from trees...(unless you're unwed, 16, or a friend of mine).  I understand that we need this next year to pay off all that debt, but growing our family is going to be a long process.  One that requires a lot of hard work and energy and damnit, I've got alot of fight left in me and I hate sitting back and watching the time slip away.  I'm one of those women that IVF didn't phase.  I could do it over and over and over again.  (and I would if finances were unlimited).   So the thought of just sitting back for the next year and doing nothing but paying off a debt that we had no real choice in (sure we decided to do IVF, but not attempting to grow our family was never an option) makes me want to scream.  I'm angry. I'm sad and I'm terrified of what our time line may end up looking like. 
       So I'll continue to blog, search for support and make the most of this time that keeps slipping into the future. 

2011

     First of all,  Happy New Year!   The time of the year when everyone sets their sights on new goals.  The time of the year when Hope seems to be at its highest. 
      This time last year we were on the cusp of our first IVF cycle.  When I was confident one cycle was all it would take.  When I couldn't fathom what it would be like to be one of those women who had to undergo more than one 'procedure'.  When I was 110% sure that I'd end the year being a mother thinking how ridiculously easy that 'infertility' journey WAS.
        And here it is.  One year later...AGAIN. 
        Another year childless.   Another year of thinking "What the heck is going to happen this year?"  ANOTHER YEAR.   People with kids say "Man, where does the time go."  But what about those of us who are childless?  I'm pretty sure we feel time slipping through our fingers faster than anyone.  Atleast when you have a child there's always a new milestone that the passing of time takes you to.   But a childless person...it's empty time that goes by.  Time that's only measured by failed attempts at conceiving, by friend's children's birthdays.
        I'm not one to focus on the negative in life.  It's too short as it is and there's no point in focusing on things that are usually beyond our control.  Sure, 2010 was the year of our first failed IVF and failed FET, sure it was the year we went $15,000 more in debt, sure it was another year with no baby and yeah, our sewer line broke and...blah blah blah.  But it was also the year my marriage grew by leaps and bounds.  My husband and I found out we could tackle just about anything together.  Broken sewer lines, leaky windows, and failed cycle after failed cycle.  It was the first year where I actually set out to lose weight and managed to keep it off.  I'm officially 12 lbs lighter than I was this time last year.  Hopefully next year I'll be another 12 lbs. down.  It was the year we expanded our family by adding our precious little devil chihuahua, Max. 
        I'm hoping 2011 brings us some form of closure.  Even if that means just figuring out our next step and the right time to take it.  And here's to keeping that initial HOPE alive throughout the entire year.  And when you file away 2011 in your chronicles...may it be filed under a GOOD year.