Busting a Myth

     This year I'm supporting National Infertility Awareness Week by busting a myth.  There are a ton out there.  Myths like: "You'll get pregnant when you stop trying".  "Adopt and you'll get pregnant." and silly other things.   But I believe one of the biggest infertility myths is that infertiles are constantly miserable.  Sure, we all gripe about this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad predicament we've found ourselves in.  Who wouldn't?  Infertility is a major world of suck.  There's no doubt about it. But that doesn't mean that we spend the majority of our day sulking in a dark room (although I'm sure some of us wish we could)!

     Infertility is like a cancer.   I can't think of anything else close to describing all the feelings that come along with infertility.  It's a helplessness that settles into the pit of your stomach; a feeling you carry with you forever.  Even women who successfully defy the odds and get a BFP will say they still wait around for the other shoe to drop; infertility tainting their view of pregnancy forever.  Infertility is like grieving the loss of a loved one every single month.  Your loved one passes away and you begin the grieving and healing process.  You're shocked when you're loved one slips away.  Maybe it was expected; maybe it wasn't.  And you throw a little denial in there because surely this can't be happening to you.  Next creep in those horrible thoughts of guilt accompanied by a pain so deep it pierces your heart.  Maybe you could have done more for your loved one; maybe you should have done something differently and that pain....oh my gosh.  It eats at you and eats at you until you're sure there's no way you could cry one more tear.  And then anger rears it's ugly head because what the hell did you do to deserve this?  So you throw in a little bargaining because surely God, or the universe, or somebody will hear your desperate pleas.  "You should have taken me not them."  or "If I do this differently can we please have a different outcome?".  The darkness slowly starts to creep in.  When you just don't have the energy to get out of bed and face reality.  When the thought of having to interact with anyone is just too much pressure and you realize "Holy Shit, I'm depressed."  After awhile of pure gloom and doom you start to think "okay, I can handle this.  This is my reality now.  It'll be alright".  So you have better days and you start to notice the sun again.  You seek out your friends and family and finally you realize you've reached acceptance.  Because you can't change a thing and you know you'll make it. 

     And then BAM.  Your loved one dies all over again. Just like that, it's another cycle and infertility sucker punches you. 

     But that's not enough to make us miserable people.  We're strong women.  Stronger than women who've gotten pregnant exactly when they wanted.  We know what we want and we're desperately searching for it.  Finding ways to turn our dreams into reality; pouring our heart and soul into expanding our families.  When we think we have no more get up and go left; we get up and go again.  Infertility may make us feel desperate and sad some days, but it does not make us miserable day in and day out.  There's no room for miserableness in this world.  We're too busy putting our energy into bringing a baby into this world or a child into our lives.

     And we learn to really appreciate the little things.  The birds chirping, the change in seasons, special date nights, the smell of fresh cookies baking.  Because you realize the little things are what makes life worth while, whether you're a mom or not. 

    Of course there will be those days when it seems every pregnant woman is shoving their perfect baby belly in your infertile face; but you'll teach yourself to stop and think maybe they struggled too  (although; let's be real; yeah right).  But it won't be enough to make you have a miserable day.

    What about that grieving cycle?  Sure, we go through it month after month; but it lessens after time.   Instead of focusing on the disappointment of a failed cycle, we'll focus on the HOPE it also represents.  We'll count our blessings of finding a love so deep with our partner that we're willing to go through this crazy, hellacious world of appointments and needles and stirrups and pure yuckiness.  But we'll still count our blessings because in order to move forward you've got to know where you've been. 

     And that miserableness?  We'll save that for everyone else.  People who haven't realized how strong they can be because they haven't walked in our shoes. 


-Want to learn more about infertility?  Visit here.  And good for you for taking the first step to learn more.
-Want to learn more about why I'm writing.  Visit here to learn more about NIAW and RESOLVE.
-Want to read more blog entries?  Visit here.  Because what if we busted a whole bunch of myths this week and never took the time to read all of them?