Well here we are....officially one week into the new year. DH and I made it to the gym 3 times this week and I feel excited to back on the weight loss/exercising band wagon. Not that we were ever officially off but the holidays have a way of putting a kink in those weight loss plans.
On a daily basis, I feel as though we are in a good place in our lives. We have our routine and our puppies and our family and our house and life is good. And I look towards 2011 and find all the amazing things we have to look forward to. My sister's wedding on Memorial Day weekend, DH's cousin's wedding on Long Island & celebrating the 4th of July in NYC, and our anniversary Disney Cruise to the Western Carribean in December. I am so lucky. I know the year will fly by once all the planning for the trips begins to happen.
But then I remember...it almost creeps slowly into my mind....that we are infertile. Babies just don't fall from trees...(unless you're unwed, 16, or a friend of mine). I understand that we need this next year to pay off all that debt, but growing our family is going to be a long process. One that requires a lot of hard work and energy and damnit, I've got alot of fight left in me and I hate sitting back and watching the time slip away. I'm one of those women that IVF didn't phase. I could do it over and over and over again. (and I would if finances were unlimited). So the thought of just sitting back for the next year and doing nothing but paying off a debt that we had no real choice in (sure we decided to do IVF, but not attempting to grow our family was never an option) makes me want to scream. I'm angry. I'm sad and I'm terrified of what our time line may end up looking like.
So I'll continue to blog, search for support and make the most of this time that keeps slipping into the future.
It sounds like you have a great year planned!
ReplyDeleteI get that feeling too, just when I am thinking, Wow we have it pretty good . . . then I remember there are only two of us.
I hope that somehow you get to try IVF again this year!
I am also trying to commit myself to living well in 2011, no matter what it brings baby-wise. For the last three years, in January, I have told myself that "that was the year" that we'd welcome a child, and it has done me no good. So even though of course I wish that for 2011, I am trying to fill my head with thoughts of what we have TODAY and not what I wish we had. Hang in there!
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