First of all, Happy New Year! The time of the year when everyone sets their sights on new goals. The time of the year when Hope seems to be at its highest.
This time last year we were on the cusp of our first IVF cycle. When I was confident one cycle was all it would take. When I couldn't fathom what it would be like to be one of those women who had to undergo more than one 'procedure'. When I was 110% sure that I'd end the year being a mother thinking how ridiculously easy that 'infertility' journey WAS.
And here it is. One year later...AGAIN.
Another year childless. Another year of thinking "What the heck is going to happen this year?" ANOTHER YEAR. People with kids say "Man, where does the time go." But what about those of us who are childless? I'm pretty sure we feel time slipping through our fingers faster than anyone. Atleast when you have a child there's always a new milestone that the passing of time takes you to. But a childless person...it's empty time that goes by. Time that's only measured by failed attempts at conceiving, by friend's children's birthdays.
I'm not one to focus on the negative in life. It's too short as it is and there's no point in focusing on things that are usually beyond our control. Sure, 2010 was the year of our first failed IVF and failed FET, sure it was the year we went $15,000 more in debt, sure it was another year with no baby and yeah, our sewer line broke and...blah blah blah. But it was also the year my marriage grew by leaps and bounds. My husband and I found out we could tackle just about anything together. Broken sewer lines, leaky windows, and failed cycle after failed cycle. It was the first year where I actually set out to lose weight and managed to keep it off. I'm officially 12 lbs lighter than I was this time last year. Hopefully next year I'll be another 12 lbs. down. It was the year we expanded our family by adding our precious little devil chihuahua, Max.
I'm hoping 2011 brings us some form of closure. Even if that means just figuring out our next step and the right time to take it. And here's to keeping that initial HOPE alive throughout the entire year. And when you file away 2011 in your chronicles...may it be filed under a GOOD year.
i also hope that 2011 will be better than 2010 (also containing a failed IVF for us). we have been ttc w/ acupuncture since october, although we recently have begun to be interested in embryo donation/adoption. either way, i am not expecting a child this year. hopefully my low expectations will allow me to consider this year a relative success instead of last year's imploding failure!
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