Hibatchi

     Tonight we went out with our great friends, The Flores', to celebrate their birthdays.  It's the first time in a long time that we've accepted an invitation to an event with people we don't know.  For the most part, avoiding situations like that, is nothing more than a defense mechanism.  Think about it.  (Especially if your in your mid-20's to mid-30's).  You can easily tell if someone is married by simply observing their hand.  No convo necessary.  But then...you get introduced to the person and the conversation goes something like this.

    Us:  "It's so nice to meet you."

    Them: "You too.  So how long have you guys been married?"

    Us:  "A little over 4 years.  Y'all?"

    Them:  "3 months.  So....do you two have kids?"

     Us:............well crap.

     For so many people that's a simple answer.  A simple segway into another another conversation...either about child rearing or your job.  But for a couple who has not yet had children, but has tried desperately to, it presents a dilemma.  Answer honestly to stay true to who you are and your life.....or brush the question aside all while crumbling on the inside.  And let's face it....it's not like we don't know the kid question isn't going to come up.  It's natural to ask about children....it's natural not to think twice about asking.  However; I still find I'm caught by the sting of that question and I try desperately not to get myself into that predicament. 

    I've never been a very social person, preferring to cuddle up with a good book or catch up on a TV show than to actually go out and be surrounded by people I don't know.  And together, we've never been a very social couple....preferring to go to the gym...cook dinner together and spend time with our pups...but our struggle to become parents has only accentuated our anit-socialness.  (is that a word?)

    Recently, we've both sort of entered into this new phase.  Acceptance.  It's a double-edged sword.  Relief on one side....anger on the other.   Of course that anger...the unfairness of it all will always reside somewhere within me, us, because there's a whole lot of crapiness in infertility.  But the relief part?  It's so gratifying.  I feel as though a certain weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  Atleast for this next year while we focus on doing nothing but paying down our debt.  I haven't thought about my cycle in 2 months.  I haven't worried about doing the deed when we're both exhausted or having to take off work for an appointment with a days notice.  Tonight proved we've moved on a little more. 

    We allowed ourselves to go out and have fun.  With people we didn't know.  We were able to talk about our jobs, our pets, our hobbies and babies.  Because babies are a part of life and if we focus on all we don't have....we'll lose sight of what we do have.  A wonderful home, two great jobs, 3 furbabies, family love and support, our health....and some amazing friends.

Please Pray

     On Friday morning, after waking up and hearing the devastating news out of Japan, I headed off to work.  Natural disasters are a horrible, horrible thing, but unless they directly affect you, it can be easy to not totally connect with the story.  I went through my morning routine at work....clocked in, unlocked my office door, posted the daily schedule and went to grab my cup of coffee.  Then I bumped into the wife of one of my residents.  Her eyes were bloodshot and I could tell tears had recently stained her cheeks.  Her husband is fairly new to my unit and I knew she was having a hard time adjusting to him being away from their home.  (They're young by a retirement community's standards).  Imagine my surprise when, after asking if everything was okay, she blurted out..."My granddaughter is missing.  She was teaching English in Northern Japan and they can't get in touch with her".  My heart stopped.  Had this natural disaster worlds away really impacted someone I know on a personal level?  I said "I'm sure the phone lines are downed and I'm positive all communication systems are jammed with everyone trying to get information."  I still haven't figured out who I was reassuring more, her or myself.

    I thought about them all weekend long.  I said prayers and told people to keep them in their thoughts.

    I didn't see her all day on Monday.  I knew it wasn't a good sign.  The 11:00 pm news only confirmed my suspicions.  My resident's son and his wife's picture was all over my TV screen.  Begging, pleading for any information.  They had turned their kitchen into the command post.  Spending their days since the quake on the computer, on the phone....scouring the internet...tweeting all the days long.  They were in touch with the U.S. Embassy and were hopeful.  She taught so close to the hardest hit area....and her apartment was even closer.  Her parents believed she was teaching at a school where a tsunami evacuation plan was surely in place.

   I prayed harder.

   On Tuesday morning, I arrived to work early.  We had our bi-monthly Family Forum breakfast.  The wife of my resident walked in.  Tears again streaming down her face....barely getting the words "They found her...she's alive!" out of her mouth before she was embraced by a sea of arms.

    Thank God.

    I've had a busy, busy day and when I finally logged onto facebook around 5:00 pm, I noticed someone posted a link about a missing Chesterfield county teacher.  Turns out the Embassy official got it wrong.  She wasn't at that school....she was at a different one.  One in a harder it area....one harder to reach.  I cannot imagine what those parents have been through..what the family has been through.   4 full days of not knowing anything....then pure elation.....and now back in their own Hell.   The desperation, the emptiness, the fear, the anguish, the helplessness.  I have no idea how they are coping. 

    But if you're a pray-er......send one up for Taylor Anderson. 

    You can read about it here.

New furniture

    In my quest to bake more and keeping with my resolution to bake atleast one batch of cookies per month, I've acquired a few accessories.  When I first started to get into cookie decorating, I bought a baking toolbox to keep all my junk together in one spot.  What started off as a great idea has turned into an organizational nightmare.  My collection has grown so big that I can no longer shut the lid on the toolbox.  Supplies are scattered all over my kitchen table and I can't stand the clutter! 

    I've decided my kitchen needs something.  Stainless Steel appliances would be a wonderful start but aren't high on my priority list right now. 

    This is my kitchen.

Please disregard the junk and the cluttered fridge.  Obviously I needed to take the recycyling out. You'll notice I have practically no counter space in this part of my kitchen. 

The kitchen was remodeled before we moved in so we had no choice in the cabinet style and color.  I'm not a fan of the color (I would have chosen cherry or white), but I do love that they go all the way to the ceiling.  I have pretty much no counter space in my whole kitchen hence the butcher block.   As you can see in this picture, my kitchen aid mixer doesn't fit under my cabinets and takes up precious counter space.

Here you can see where I usually store my mixer (bottom of the butcher block).  The thing weighs a ton and is a huge pain in the rear to move.  I lied about the cabinet height being my favorite thing....I think the window is.  Another hidden treasure is an additional electrical socket just above the chair rail to the left of the window. 

I decided I need to utilize that outlet and I went on the hunt for a new piece of furniture.  I wanted something for additional storage, preferably with doors so I could hide the cookie clutter. A new kitchen cart would allow me to leave out my mixer and my Vit-a-mix all the time.  My back would sure appreciate that! I also thought something with a granite counter top would give me just enough granite to stave off my need to renovate my kitchen.

So I went looking....and I found this. 

    I'm in love.  Big Lots has it for $260.  A steal if you ask me.  Competitor websites list it for over $400.  I opted for the white because i think the black would be too dark and the cherry wood option would clash with my oak cabinets.  The downside is it's only sold in stores which means it's time to start stalking my local Big Lots.  I can't wait til this is in my kitchen. 

Pardon my absence

   Between now and April first I am throwing two showers (a bridal and a baby), switching positions at work, and having my mother-in-law come for a visit.   My plate is very full at the moment....luckily mostly with fun stuff that allows me to be creative!  (Anyone want a mother in law for a visit?! j/k)

   I may not find too much time to blog.  I think I may crash from exhaustion by the end of the each day.  I promise I'll follow up with some pictures of all the excitement! 

   I can't wait to get my craft on!!! 

My life in pictures

     I am finally on my desktop with some free time on my hands, so I thought I'd share some pictures with you, since I've finally downloaded them from my camera.  (The laptop I get on everyday is just a cheapie, so photos don't go on it.)   I'm going to peruse my computer and add whatever pictures strike me as being important enough for this blog. 

This is my husband and I at our traditional Christmas Eve dinner at Arby's.


             These are my amazing parents.              

This is my sister, Britt, and her fiance Matt.  (5/28/11)

My younger sisters and I with our Mee-Maw, whom I visit in PA as often as possible. 

 Chocolate covered marshmallow Reindeer I made on Christmas Day for my family.

My  house in the snow.  (sorry for the blurriness)

 One of my loves.  Seriously. 

The first batch of cookies I ever made.  Where my icing flooded perfectly. 

 The second batch of cookies I ever made.  Where I tried experimenting with icing consistency and various techniques.

 My 3rd batch of cookies.  Where I could not get the perfect icing consistency to save my life.  Valentine's Day about killed me. 

Despite flood icing nightmares, I was pretty impressed with my straight lines. 

I already posted a pic of my 1st rose cake.  This was the 2nd one I did that day.  A buttercream headache. 

 And here they both are.  Packaged and ready to go

My 3 four-legged babies.  Taffy, Hollie and Max.  They keep me very busy!

I wanted to blog on this dreary, rainy Sunday, but wasn't in the mood for much thinking.  Oh yeah, hope you like the changes I made last night to the blog!

    

Serenity

     Every few posts or so, I pull up my entire blog and read it, trying to see it through the eyes of stranger.  I was startled by the thoughts that came to my mind as I read.  I seem so negative and down in most all of my posts.  In my defense this is the only place that my deepest, darkest thoughts are revealed, especially when it comes to infertility.  (This was, afterall, started as an infertility blog.)   In my day to day life, I tend to have a positive attitude (albeit sarcastic).  I apologize at being such a debbie downer.  

    At the urging of my sister, I'm going to blog about my life in general.  Some days may relate to how being unable to have children naturally has affected me....us.....but some days my posts may be totally frivilous. 

    I'm in a frivilous mood today.

    I spent my afternoon with 3 out of my 4 sisters.  Together, we worked on the favors for my 2nd sister's bridal shower.  It was such a wonderful afternoon.  The older we get the more precious the time we have together is.  My 2nd sister is finishing her grad year at her college over an hour away.  When she gets married, she will join her fiance in Charleston, WV....a 5 hour drive away.   My 3rd sister is away at Penn State....except for this week which is Spring Break!!! My 4th sister is a sophomore in high school and my baby sister is in 7th grade.   We have such fun together.   I'll post pictures of the favors once the shower is over.  They're the one thing that's a surprise to my sister (and she reads this blog!)

    DH and I saw Hall Pass last night.  It was funny...with a good message (exact description my sis gave to me after she saw it), but I wish she would have warned me about the nudity.  Some nudity is okay...extended  periods of nudity....just not my cup of tea.  But overall, it was pretty good and I enjoyed our impromptu date night.

    It's suppose to pour here tomorrow and I'm looking forward to having an excuse to stay inside (after church).   Guess it'll be a good day to work on our taxes!  Yuck.

    Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!



 

Changes

     Something really big happened to me today.   I got a promotion.  Not just a "You did great on your evaluation, so here's a raise" type promotion, but a legitimate different position type of promotion.  As in a Manager.  (Why did I automatically think of someone being a McDonald's manager when I typed that????....no offense to McDonald's managers of course.)  I am now THE Recreation Therapy Manager of the Health Services side of the retirement community I work at.  That means I'll be managing 5 people as well as being responsible for the leisure interests of 60 residents in Health Care, 40 in Assisted Living and 23 on our dementia unit.  Yikes.

     SHHHH.  Let's keep it between us.  It won't be officially announced until later next week. 

     So how did I get here?  What a great question...I'm so glad you asked.  I'll save you from the boring work related details of how this position came to be...but in short, my boss (most amazing woman ever) took a higher position herself (as in Wellness and Leisure Manager of the entire building.....add about 5 more staff members and 400+ Independent Living residents)...so the position of Recreation Therapy Manager became open.  And there it has been...open and available since late October; the perfect qualified candidate never applying. 

    Last week my boss and I had a heart to heart and in a moment of clarity desperation my boss made the statement that still rings in my ears.... "So you aren't interested in the position?"

    Well, crap. 

     Honestly?  No, I hadn't been.  I like my comfortable routine.  I like knowing how my day is going to play to out.  I like my office and my limited job responsibilities.  I like clocking out right at 5 and not thinking about work until I walk back in the next morning at 8:30. 

     But once those words were spoken there was no turning back.  Because I knew.  If my boss believed I could handle it, so did I.  So I formally applied, sat for an interview, and viola!  Got the job practically handed to me. 

      Please don't get me wrong.  I am soooooo grateful for this amazing opportunity, especially in the job market of today.  I can't believe I'm someone who actually is getting a pay raise.  I'm so excited to conquer the challenges ahead, to learn and grow and teach those who come after me.  So I really should be absolutely thrilled right?  WRONG.

     It took me a few days to find the root of my hesitancy towards accepting this was actually going to be my new job position.  Was it the new job responsibilities? no.  Was it ALL of the new job responsibilites? No.  Was it the simple fact that things are changing?  no.

     And then it hit me.  My professional life has advanced faster than my personal life. 

     Sure some women work for years and years and get promotion after promotion and grow professionally before they even meet a man.  That's their life story.

     But for me? Professional development was never even on my radar.  I knew the course my life was going to go and up until 3 years ago I never even had to stop and ask for directions.  My soulmate magically, serendipitously, by the grace of God entered my life at exactly the right time and I knew children would soon follow.

    I figured I would get a job (in my field) until the baby making began.  I would be a stay at home mom (okay...let's be realistic....a part-time working-stay at home mom).  I would babysit other people's children....you know, for people who actually cared about their careers that they actually needed other people to watch their sweet babies.

    But here I am.  Advancing in my line of work.  Obtaining a higher rank which was practically dropped in my lap.  I know I am so, so, so blessed to have this opportunity.  The pay increase will help us pay off our debt a little sooner and may even get us to our next treatment sooner.

    Knowing how blessed I am though, doesn't take the sting away.  The sting that while my career is growing, a baby inside me is not.