Hibatchi

     Tonight we went out with our great friends, The Flores', to celebrate their birthdays.  It's the first time in a long time that we've accepted an invitation to an event with people we don't know.  For the most part, avoiding situations like that, is nothing more than a defense mechanism.  Think about it.  (Especially if your in your mid-20's to mid-30's).  You can easily tell if someone is married by simply observing their hand.  No convo necessary.  But then...you get introduced to the person and the conversation goes something like this.

    Us:  "It's so nice to meet you."

    Them: "You too.  So how long have you guys been married?"

    Us:  "A little over 4 years.  Y'all?"

    Them:  "3 months.  So....do you two have kids?"

     Us:............well crap.

     For so many people that's a simple answer.  A simple segway into another another conversation...either about child rearing or your job.  But for a couple who has not yet had children, but has tried desperately to, it presents a dilemma.  Answer honestly to stay true to who you are and your life.....or brush the question aside all while crumbling on the inside.  And let's face it....it's not like we don't know the kid question isn't going to come up.  It's natural to ask about children....it's natural not to think twice about asking.  However; I still find I'm caught by the sting of that question and I try desperately not to get myself into that predicament. 

    I've never been a very social person, preferring to cuddle up with a good book or catch up on a TV show than to actually go out and be surrounded by people I don't know.  And together, we've never been a very social couple....preferring to go to the gym...cook dinner together and spend time with our pups...but our struggle to become parents has only accentuated our anit-socialness.  (is that a word?)

    Recently, we've both sort of entered into this new phase.  Acceptance.  It's a double-edged sword.  Relief on one side....anger on the other.   Of course that anger...the unfairness of it all will always reside somewhere within me, us, because there's a whole lot of crapiness in infertility.  But the relief part?  It's so gratifying.  I feel as though a certain weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  Atleast for this next year while we focus on doing nothing but paying down our debt.  I haven't thought about my cycle in 2 months.  I haven't worried about doing the deed when we're both exhausted or having to take off work for an appointment with a days notice.  Tonight proved we've moved on a little more. 

    We allowed ourselves to go out and have fun.  With people we didn't know.  We were able to talk about our jobs, our pets, our hobbies and babies.  Because babies are a part of life and if we focus on all we don't have....we'll lose sight of what we do have.  A wonderful home, two great jobs, 3 furbabies, family love and support, our health....and some amazing friends.