Blogging

     So I've had this blog festering in my brain for awhile and I think it's finally finished baking.  I tend to do alot of blogging prior to a fertility treatment and then I usually realize I don't have much to write about.  I mean the original purpose of this was to blog about our journey to parenthood...and well...once we endure another failed attempt at becoming parents, what's left to write about?  Our childless existance?  How fun is that?  But then I was catching up on some of the blogs I stalk read and everyone was posting about this awesome blogging conference called BlogHer. I came across a blog This amazing blogger had written and in it she quoted this wonderfully fantastic blogger who said she doesn't talk with her mouth, she talks with her hands...or something to that affect.  And I realized...hey, that's me. 

     And that's why I decided to keep on posting.  Even the boring, day to day stuff.  Because life is not about the destination, it's about the journey.  And blogging help defines me.  It helps me sort out my feelings.  I've always considered myself an open book, an honest person, but I get so tired of repeating my story to so many people.  I hate sounding like a broken record.  So if I can type it once, put it out there for the world to dissect, then I've done my part.  Hopefully, it will touch some person out in cyber world...maybe even provide a bit of encouragement or hope.  Maybe it'll make someone laugh or cry..whatever they're in need of.  And ultimately, this is about me, about us, about our story of growing and grieving and giving and gaining. 

     We went to church this weekend and our seminarian (young kid studying to be a priest) did the homily.  He stated "We are all seeking God, whether it's the 2 year old who experiences Bible school for the first time, the 8 year old putting up with attending religious ed, the 15 year old who can't stand to sit in the pew for one minute longer, the 18 year old anticipating going off to college, the 21 year old who's wondering what the next phase of their life will be, or the new mom or dad losing sleep at night, or the middle aged person going through a mid-life crisis, or the 55 year old who can finally get a free cup of coffee at McDonald's, or the 65 year old contemplating retirement, or the person nearing the end of their life."    And the tears welled up in my eyes.  Because in that moment, I realized that one of the HARDEST parts of this infertility journey is realizing that Paul and I are UNDEFINED.  Once you get married everyone starts instantly waiting for the babies to pop out.  Forget about traveling, or spending time as just the two of you...everyone is waiting for THE NEWS.  So how do we deal with not disappointing them....while we are the most disappointed and heart broken ourselves?   How do we go about realizing that this is OKAY? That it's okay to be without children. That it's okay that our time line hasn't matched up with God's plan. That WE'RE OKAY?  Should we get another puppy?  Should we take a big trip?  Should we pay off our bills?  Should we do something exciting to fill this void?  I do have one answer though.  I should definitely keep on blogging.  Sharing our story.  Sharing our journey. 
   
      Even if my posts only touch one person.