In the past year that my sister, brother-in-law and niece have lived back in our hometown, my husband and I have watched my niece several times. Although we've seen her at least once a week since their return, our opportunities to actually babysit her alone are few and far between. Mostly because this little girl is super, duper loved by two sets of grandparents and a whole bunch of aunts and uncles willing to babysit her anytime and my husband and I have pretty busy evenings of off duty jobs and cookie making. We usually get together as a huge family gathering.
The few times we have watched her have mostly been in her home. Primarily because that's where all her stuff is and it allows mom and dad to stay out a little later since her bedtime routine can begin. There's no risk of her falling asleep in the car and it means mom and dad don't have to pack all her stuff up and worry about getting her ready. In fact, it's been almost exactly one year since the one and only time we've taken her out on our own. Back then she was around four months old, newly arrived in Richmond and Paul and I were itching to take our niece out into the world. She happily and quietly sat in her stroller and barely made a peep.
Last week Paul and I had one of those wonderfully spectacular date nights. One of those evenings where you try a new restaurant and the food is amazing, the ambience perfect and the conversation flows. I called my sister and basically told them to plan a date night for themselves for the following week. I've been cutting back on the cookie making and happened to have a free weeknight and I knew it had been awhile for just the two of them to get away.
Because of where they chose to go to dinner, we ended up meeting at the mall food court. We thought the excitement of the play place would make for an easier escape for my sister and brother-in-law.
The minute we walked up, I realized just how much my childless existence has tarnished my way of thinking.
Quite honestly, public child play places mortify me. I look at them and practically see the germs jumping off the play equipment. Then there's the kids shrieking and the parents yelling at their non-listening children. And, of course, there's always that one child who insists on getting in every other kids face and you just know it's that child who has the cold/flu/plague. I was immediately on pins and needles waiting for my niece to either take a nose dive or backflip off the big, germ infested plastic creatures. Because she's my sister, I looked at her and asked "How could you let her play in here? Don't these places give you the heebie jeebies?" She replied simply, yet perfectly… "Because she loves them." It was in that moment, that I put myself in my niece's shoes and saw those exciting larger than life animals to crawl all over…shrieking in pure delight as she ran from one to the other…sometimes marching around or putting her arms up in excitement (when the plague girl wasn't in her face.)
My sister and brother-in-law were able to scurry off without being caught by my niece and Paul and I let her play for another ten minutes (about as long as I could keep my anxiety at bay). We then went to conquer dinner. We've eaten at chic-fil-a with my niece on many occasions and my sister knew we knew the dinner routine and we knew we knew the dinner routine. My brain was firing on all cylinders…paying attention to her…to my surroundings…multi-tasking the entire time.
We got a high chair, put down the placemat, got her dinner started and loved interacting with her the entire time. And then my husband put Bubble Guppies on his phone because he knows my niece is obsessed with Bubble Guppies and well, he loves her. And I was mortified…again. In .5 seconds, we became that couple to the outside world who plops technology in front of the child. But then, you remind yourself, who cares what the outside world is thinking? Because she zoned in on her favorite show and instead of staring at everything and everyone around her, she ate her dinner…at least for the five minutes Bubble Guppies actually played on the iPhone before the signal inside the mall became too weak for it to upload. Fail. Nothing like pissing off a one year old by taking away Bubble Guppies. Luckily a toy traded for some ice cream did the trick.
My sister and I planned to swap cars so we didn't have to do the carseat switcharoo…which was a marvelous plan until Paul and I walked out of the mall and realized we forget to tell them where we parked and they forgot to tell us where they parked. Thank goodness for car remotes!
We needed to run into Wal-Mart quickly so we ditched the stroller and I went to find what I needed and Paul went to get what he needed. I took my niece with me and made the mistake of walking down the party aisle. I was letting her walk beside me and all of a sudden she stopped and yelled "Mick". She had spotted the Mickey Mouse face plates which were conveniently placed at toddler eye level. And because "Mick" is her newest obsession and I'm a sucker…I decided she needed to have them. I can justify spoiling her because I'm her aunt…but it dawned on me that when we have kids, that situation will unfold very differently. I'll be the person who puts the plates down and walks out with a screaming kid. I made the mistake of not taking my cell phone with me and we couldn't find Paul where he said he would be. We killed a few minutes by walking around…my niece switching between yelling "Mick" and "Pawwwwwwl". Finally he emerged from the toy section carrying the stuffed dog from Bubble Guppies. My niece was ecstatic. Sucker number two. The whole way home she kept saying something that sounded like "Bubble Guppies", but just wasn't. I told Paul that I bet she was calling that character its name and we should look it up. Paul said "Uhh…You mean Bubble Puppy?" Yeah….I have A LOT to learn.
The rest of the evening we heard "Pawwwwl", "Kake", "BubbPupp", and "Mick".
It was so much fun.
While we had several people approach us to comment on how adorable she was (probably because she waved them down herself), we were lucky none of them made the usual assumption that we were Mom and Dad. Those comments still sting and I was grateful we didn't have to hear them.
When my sister and brother-in-law came to pick her up (yes, they did actually return to claim their child)…I told my sister that I am sooooo out of practice.
It didn't really hit me until tonight. It has been well over 12 years now since I had my last babysitting gig and almost eight years of married life sans kids. My baby cousins are no longer babies and my other niece and nephew are 10 and 4.
The night left me feeling equal parts excited for our future and "Oh shit, what are we doing?"
I realize this evening…all of 2 hours…is nothing compared to what parents face on a day to day basis. The anxiety, the fear, the unknowns, the keeping it cool when your kid starts to lose it, putting the toy back because 'no you can't have it', the decision making, the constant multi multi-tasking.
But parenting (or niece sitting) is also about re-experiencing the simple joys in life. Like climbing on an oversized bug or finding your childhood idol staring back at you in the face. It's letting yourself relish in those moments; being present and choosing to focus on their joy instead of the strangers around you giving you the stink eye.
There's always an up side to down and a down side to up.
It's all in how you choose to see things.
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