#StartAsking

 

 

 

It's National Infertility Awareness Week and since I have a blog because of my infertility diagnosis,  I figured I should probably write about it.

 

The overall theme to this year's week is Start Asking.

 

Honestly, it's a hard theme for me to process because I've been personally asking questions for over eight years now and I'm just exhausted with the whole thing.

And, over the course of those years, I sometimes feel like that's the only thing I ever get asked about (well that and cookies).

 

It was National Infertility Awareness Week several years ago that gave me the courage to start posting on social media. For that, I am grateful for this particular week of the year. In fact, the theme for the first NIAW was "What IF", which is how my blog title came to be.

 

Since we became super vocal with our story about four years ago now, I feel as though the people in our social circle (and the facebook friends who are bombarded with the shared articles/blog posts about infertility) have gotten really comfortable with the topic.  Perhaps not so comfortable talking about it openly, but comfortable learning about it and being aware of it (and if they haven't, then they've probably hidden me from their newsfeed by now).

 

But some people haven't. Some people are just starting down this scary, dark, seemingly endless road.

 

And they need to know it's okay to start asking. They need to know it's okay to be the one asking the questions and the one who's being asked the questions. Because asking means people are talking about infertility, which leads to awareness, which may lead to answers.

 

This journey...it never ends, so people may as well get over the stigma associated with infertility. 1 in 8 couples will receive an infertility diagnosis.  That's thousands and thousands of family and friends who are also impacted. Whether the couple ends up somehow bringing children into their family (Because YES a husband and a wife alone are STILL A FAMILY!!!!) or make the decision to stay childless...the experience of infertility will always be with them and those who love them.

 

Eight years into our journey and I still have absolutely no clue how our story will unfold.

Surrogacy...fostering...?

All I know is that come hell or high water (and both are a serious probability) we won't stop trying.

As a seasoned infertile (ugh..who wants that title?!), here's my start asking advice.

 

To the general public

*Be gentle with the way those questions are worded when you start asking.

*Be careful as to not turn your questions into unwarranted advice.

*Let the person to whom you're speaking know that you will be supportive of whatever questions they may have for you or for doctors and that you'll help them solve their questions as you're able.

*Be sensitive as to not make your questions become their questions.

 

To the 1 in 8

*Forget that whole you need to wait 6 months (if you're over 30) or a year (if you're under 30) before you start asking your questions. That's crap. If you suspect a problem, trust your gut. Ask your OBGYN for help, have the dude visit a Urologist for an SA, do your own research.  Make an appointment with the RE before you reach those milestones, because the waiting lists for new patients can be ridiculously long and you've already waited long enough.

*Start asking questions with the group of folks you are most comfortable. Perhaps it's your family, or a best friend, or a doctor or a group of online strangers in an online support group.

*When you think you have all your questions answered, be prepared for more to arise. Infertility LOVES to throw curve balls.

*NEVER STOP ASKING. Ask for help, ask for answers, ask for support.

 

But, for the love of all things, please don't ask every day.

People are so much more than their infertility diagnosis.

 

When I first started on this journey, I joined a chat room/support group for people going through IVF during the same time frame. Our journey was less than two years old and there was a lady who had been battling infertility for five years. I remember feeling so sorry for her and vowing I would NEVER be in her position, yet here we are 8 years later and I AM that lady.

 

I'm well aware in each and every moment that infertility is part of my story, usually because I'm still figuring out how to solve it....but you know what else?

 

Most days I'd like to forget about infertility and flush it down the crapper.

And just be.

 

Be me.

Be us.

Be happy.

 

How to be those things are those are the most important questions to start asking...and to answer. 

 

Eventually, infertility won't be the biggest chapter in your book.

 

And you'll realize you won't need a designated week to chat about the subject.