Four weeks

The older I get, the more in awe I become by individual moments.

Snapshots in time.

It's those snapshots in time that flip really, really fast through your mind.

Your whole life in review in a series of still frames.

And, let's be honest, some of those still shots are not happy.  

Sometimes, the most vivid pictures your memory paints are during the most painful moments of your life.

And That's okay.

They make up your beautiful story.

They help to make your joyful highlights so much brighter.

________________________________________________________________

Transfer day, October 23rd, showed up faster than I expected.  

A little over a year ago, we shared with you and experienced our second chemical pregnancy.

A little less than a year ago, we shared with you and experienced our third chemical pregnancy.

We went from completely lost last winter and spring to making a private embryo match, legally adopting embryos, transferring embryos, and pregnant all in five short months.

Five.

Someday I'll go into the details of the past four weeks, but not today.

Today is for painting a joyful snapshot in time. 

When we found out I was pregnant in September 2014, we celebrated.  We celebrated despite knowing what the outcome would probably be. We chose joy.  And that weekend, my birthday weekend, will be one of my most favorite memories ever, despite the fact that I know what the next snapshot looks like.

___________________________________________________________

We chose to lay low over the past four weeks because we wanted to save the general masses from the emotional roller coaster.  We wanted to spare anyone any unnecessary anxiety.  And we wanted to delight in those positive pregnancy tests privately (and with our family and close circle of friends) for a little while.

We wanted to prove to ourselves that we could make it to an ultrasound, a step which we have never accomplished before.

But that's where I draw the line at being secret or covert.

I whole-heartedly believe that the more people you can have praying in your corner, the better. 

I'm also well aware that my blogging absence was beginning to look a little suspicious.  

I also believe that everyone has a choice in every decision.  

That your life and the way your snapshot flip book looks falls squarely on your shoulders. 

And it's all in how you choose to see things.

I'm not saying you can't have bad days or down moments. Even a good dose of misery can be helpful. We need those times.  But, don't reside in those dark places for long.

I'm am saying that choosing joy, gratitude, excitement and thankfulness will always serve you better in the long run. 

And that's how we're approaching this pregnancy, too.

Honestly, the doctor has a lot of reservations.

He gave our baby a 50/50 chance.

We just choose to focus on the positive 50.

We will love and celebrate this tiny, miraculous fluttering heartbeat no matter how long it belongs to us. 

Every.single.moment.