Have you ever seen that show "What would you do?" It airs on ABC and is a hidden camera TV show that sets up all sorts of awkward scenarios/dangerous situations just to see how people will react.
I find it fascinating.
I think it's because I've always been an observer. I can remember my parents and teachers telling me countless times in school to raise my hand and ask if I had a question. But being quiet, I always preferred to try to answer my own questions versus having the attention that comes when you raise your hand to ask a question. I've been labeled shy. I'm a better wall flower than a social butterfly.
The older I get the more interested I become in people's personalities. What makes people tick?
Do we view ourselves the same way others view us? Does it really matter how others view us?
For example...I've never considered myself 'shy'. My quietness in social situations does not stem from a place of social anxiety. It stems more from the fact that I am a thinker and I'd just simply rather be observing. It's my biggest asset and my greatest downfall. People often misinterpret my quietness for bitchiness & bitterness. But on the flip side, I've been told that because I am not a chatty Cathy people actually listen when I speak. I've also been told that my quietness and my observing personality lead to giving pretty solid advice. I have a few friends who said I should have gone into counseling.
When I first started watching that TV show, I realized I had the personality for being the perfect bystander. Not necessarily because I wouldn't care about the situation at hand but I would probably become so consumed with curiously observing how others react that I would simply forget to step in and step up.
The more I watch that show accompanied by growing older and being on this infertility journey longer and longer, the more my heart has been convicted.
I've taken a harsh look at where my personality downfalls come into play. (Welcome to the Lenten season!) My overly logical brain has a hard time connecting with people who are all emotion. I don't easily connect with others because most people connect through the heart, not the brain.
I've been trying to teach myself to be compassionate, to actively listen to my heart and quiet my brain. It's not easy and I've got a long way to go.
It is this growing and learning process that makes me grateful for our infertility journey.
Without it, I wouldn't be aware of other people's passions...what makes them tick.
I wouldn't feel the need to step in "What would you do" type situations because 'feeling' doesn't come naturally to me.
This race has really opened my eyes to the whole Bystander Effect.
455 people read my C'est La Vie post and 40 people commented when I posted it on facebook.
86 people liked and 27 people commented on my facebook post where I announced we would be in the race.
That positive support gave us the encouragement we needed. It was wonderful and uplifting and humbling to see how many people were in our corner.
But here we sit, a month and a half into registration time and out of all that original support we're at 44 race participants with 5 people who have donated. This time last year we had broken 60 race registrants...with less weeks of open registration. Now...please realize that I am not complaining at all. This is merely part of my observing, inquisitive, logical personality. We are incredibly grateful for those people who have signed up for or donated to Team Yellow. Your enthusiasm and encouragement is worth more to us than any financial amount.
So, all I can figure is that most people have a case of the bystander effect. Perhaps thinking that someone else will step up to the plate or that they don't matter.
But you do. You make a difference.
Not just specifically for our journey, but for other people's causes, too.
I'm usually the first person to try to logically justify other people's plights (homeless people on the corner, the random go fund me accounts, etc.) and then I ended up on this infertility journey. And I realize without the kindness, the support of others....emotionally and/or financially we wouldn't be able to handle it. I feel my heart start to soften and it's an awkward and weird place for me to be in...uncharted waters and uncomfortable territory.
My head still takes the lead, but my heart is finally catching up.
Perhaps it's all the Jesus music I've been listening to for two years now.
So, what if we all learned to focus on the positive aspects of each other's personalities?
What if we became so aware of the bystander effect that we refused to be a part of it...instead choosing to stand up and step in for what convicts us...what is good and right?
How awesome would this world be if we took what mattered to others and made it matter to ourselves...consistently helping each other instead of pointing fingers or looking the other way.
I once heard you should never ignore a kind thought or a generous act.
I'm reminded of the blind man Jesus encountered on his way to Jericho. The people Jesus' was with tried to tell Jesus to keep walking and tried to quiet the blind man, but Jesus turned to the blind man instead. It's the simple visual I have of Jesus turning towards someone in need.
It replays over and over in mind.
Over the past seven years, I have grown in more ways I ever imagined. Isn't that what a struggle does for us? Makes us realize aspects of ourselves we didn't know existed.
There's this little checklist in my brain.
*The visual of Jesus turning
*All the various "What would you do" scenarios
*Never ignore a kind thought
*Care about other people's passions as much as if it's your own
And somehow my logical brain is teaching my heart to take the lead.
(Side note: I do realize there is a whole group of people who plan on coming to the race and who just haven't signed up yet.)
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