Hello?
tap, tap, tap
Is this thing on?
It's been a LONG time since I blogged over here. Almost 3 months to be exact.
I've definitely enjoyed the 'break', although, if you've ever experienced infertility you know there's no such thing as a 'break'. It all boils down to better coping skills. You learn to let some of the bitterness go...usually a lack of caring creeps in and helps simmer down the feelings of hopelessness and being left behind.
But you and I both know if you scratch too hard at the surface, you'll find what you've been desperately trying to bury.
Wanting a baby.
We're nearing the end of 2011 and with that comes the end of the 'year off' my husband and I gave to ourselves.
I'm pretty much every emotion wrapped into one.
I'm still trying to enjoy this last month and not think too much about it.
But words like appointments, needles, shots, new fertility doc, FET, and embryo adoption have slowly started to creep back into our dialog.
People who knew about our year off have started asking what our next step is. Hubby and I are going to be more quiet about whatever steps we take next. We'll ask for prayers and blessings, but that's it. If there's one thing worse than going through the treatments and finding out it didn't work...it's having everyone else know it didn't work, too. Those pity parties and sad looks will suck whatever fight you've got left right out of you.
We've had a busy year. One that included numerous vacations, a new motorcycle, a cookie obsession (Check out what I've been up to all year long at Kooking in Kate's Kitchen) and I think we just may be about ready to get back into the swing of things. Atleast as ready as you can be for infertility.
More than the infertility vernacular and appointments and questions, do you know what sucks the most when it starts to invade your life again?
HOPE.
Been thinking about your year off coming to an end. As always, you have our prayers! Hoping, praying, crossing my fingers that 2012 is "the" year!
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